Gum Review 2008

Ok. I can’t smoke. Cigarettes are bad for you. And plus it’s just plain fucking expensive. I mean lighters, I mean sure they’re pretty and cool and it’s heck it’s fire…fire…pretty…

Sorry got distracted playing with lighters and now I have a giant burn spot on my desk, an my rug, and the wall, and a slight part of my chair….also no eyebrows now. Ok. Well aside from a slight form of pyromania I’ve also relegated my hyper active addictions to chewing gum. Massive amounts of gum. And you can share gum with anyone. The virtues of gum aside, I bought some new flavors. So here is my review of the gums I’ve gotten

The New Kids on the Block
Ice breakers cubes Strawberry smoothie flavor with Xylitol

MMMM!!!! MMMM!!!! Little cubes of flavor with slight crunchy flavor crystals. I mean MMMM!!! I felt like I was chewing on chewy sugar cubes which was an orgasm in my mouth. Sweetly strawberry in a good way. The kind of gum you expect little kids and strippers to chew on since not only is it colorful but also sweet. So taste wise it was quite awesome orgasm in my mouth.

Except it was ultimately a male orgasm since the flavor only lasted six minutes in one cube. I had to keep stuffing more and more cubes into my mouth looking liked some sort of drooling crazed chipmunk. And the texture of it felt really mushy. Ungodly mushy and overly chewy like it was kinda designed for old people. Man did it suck cause the flavor was so good but so short. However descent bubble making gum. The Xylitol like advertised did have a cooling feel to it. Or it could be the feeling the cooling feeling of cancer on my tongue.

People, do not buy this gum unless you’re dating a stripper or trying to entertain a child.

STRIDE ORANGE MANDARIN

Ah….I have to say I do love me some stride. Not only is it good quality gum but the packaging is like a flip open phone and really cool. I feel like I should flip it open and then take out some gum and fling it at people like gum projectiles. Stride ultimately is the best since the taste does last ungodly long time. I don’t know how they do it but man does it last a good long time and makes a pretty darn good bubble. I mean the ads really don’t lie and I hope that a Romanian wrestler attack me to make me chew another piece of gum.

Overall its orange Tic Tac the gum. And everyone loves Orange tic tacs. If not, may boils appear on you and bad things forever happen like you. Overall, I highly suggest Stride in all it’s forms of glory