Showing posts with label Denmark. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Denmark. Show all posts

Thursday, September 16, 2010

The Workout Plan

Dear Michael,


Although I throughly enjoy your blog and all it's funny things, I have yet to see more fitness entries.  I liked the P90X blog but you need more of the fitness blog entries.  I am currently trying to lose weight and my boyfriend is trying to get bigger and cutter and leaner.  What advice can you give us? 

Adda Widewelt-Copenhagen, Denmak

PS.  Sorry for my English

Ooo.  Danish letter AND a female reader.  You're english is fine.  Have you read my blog?  You speak English better then I can write most of the time.  Plus I think you had better spelling then I do AND you're a Danish girl but you have a boyfriend so that's just a point off however he's not from Canadia so I can forgive that. 

As for working out to lose weight you gotta keep in mind that working out is only half the battle (GI JOE!) and that what you eat is the important part as well.  Don't be that person that worksout for an hour and then goes to get the giant combo pack from Wienerschnitzel and a mocha latte because the only weight you're going to lose is in your dinner plate when you take it back.  So be ready to starve a bit but not in a bad way.  When I mean starve I mean that you're going to gradually get your body ready to the smaller amounts of food or types of food that aren't necessarily as filling.  So you're going to go a bit hungrier but the thing is that you need to fill up on water and fruit.  Lots of water is great for you and can act as a cleanser ad pick me  up as well as it may alleviate some depressive symptoms since your body and brains is made of water as opposed to mine which is primarily made of Twinkies and Tacos.  That may accound for some of my spelling errors. 

Combine that with exercise, well proper exercise then it will help to tone down some of your hunger cravings since exercise can signal the body to stop being so hungry.  Now after an intense exercise your body needs to replenish nutrients and repair damage so you can be hungry after that but usually a good protein shake with WHEY protein and Dextrose will do the job.  Whey absorbs quicker and dextrose is a carbohydrate to help reinforce muscle tissue so yes you do need carbs after you work out.  But those are not whole foods (foods that are in whole form such as bread and chicken, etc.)

Now getting ripped and bigger, that's harder to do.  You need to choose one and go with it.  Say for instance, you get ripped, once you do, then you can concentrate on changing up your body so that you may eat greater contents of food to allow for more muscle mass.  But be warned that it's going to take awhile.  And if you want to gain, be sure to use supplements.  Now also you may feel a bit tired at times due to the change so you have to be careful about certain supplements that give you energy and help burn fat because most of those are caffeine based.  A bit of caffeine is great since it gives you energy and is an appetite suppressant however DO NOT RELY ON IT.  Your body will get more and more addicted to the caffeine and crap in it so your body will not be able to function as properly without it. 

So there you go Adda.  Don't be sure to trust that serpant of a b/f with you because he will lead you astray.  Get a good nutritionist and stick with it under threat of death.  Now go do that while I say your last name over and over again.  Widewelt, Widewelt, Widewelt, Widewelt...

BEEFCAKE!!  FLEX BABY!!  GRRR!! GRR!!  GRR-oops...
pooped my pants a bit

Neutrality thy name is Dane

In the war between cake and pie, the complexity of the factions involved can make it difficult to find a resolution.  The pastry sweet war has spread to the Israeli-Palestine conflict where pie factories are bombed and destroyed, leaving nothing but a freshly baked smell and the remnants of smoking hot pie pans and bits of broken pie crusts littering the streets.  Cake batter and mixes are blockaded in an effort to retaliate and allowed to go bad and it is beginning to spread to the United States as well.  WE ARE NOT IMMUNE. 



However the great land of Denmark has made sure to give us a happy medium.  No children will go unfed in deserts across the land thanks to the strange little hybrid of the Danish.  Huzzah for the Danes.  Lets hear it for them so that they have bought the world a peaceful neutrality the Swiss cannot match so that the science of baking can bring an even bigger lasting evolution of a pie baked INTO a cake.  And the versatile little pastry is also a great hybrid.  It's pie filling.  A cakelike circle.  It's filling.  It's delicious and comes in all shapes and sizes.  It can also be used for various flavors.  Fill it with cheese, strawberry filling, even tuna filling!  Here's to...wait....what?  It's more of a pie.  Crap.  War goes on.  Oh well....I'm staying with Danish.



Pie or cake, DP is always where the action is

Friday, September 10, 2010

Here's to you Denmark!!!

Hi everyone. Looking over my stats, my biggest fan source is from right here in the good ol U S of A. However I was really surprised that the second place winner who I thought would be Canada but it’s actually Denmark. Yes, Denmark is officially kicking maple leaf ass. Congratulations Denmark and you’re kicking ass not by a narrow margin, but by an impressive, fat American waist size. As for you Canada, I’m ashamed. Time to step up yo game. You guys are the land of Mounties and Deadpool. For shame.




But this isn’t about Canada. This is a time to celebrate DENMARK! That tiny island nation that thought it could and did. So here’s to you Denmark and all that’s Danish.

Beowulf



Victor Borge



Free emergency and healthcare



College education at no cost



Legos



Vikings





Lars Ulrich



Brigitte Nielsen and Connie Nielsen (no relation)











Viggo Mortenson



and Danish's












 
And Hot Danish Girls

She's part Danish.  Which part I dont know.
Probably like a foot or a toe or something



Guess which one is a porn star.  One of them really is a porn star.


So here's to you Daneland.  Land of Danes.  Denmark.  May you continue to bake delicious pastry and give birth to hot women.  Thank you for being a part of the Pudding Bordello