Inez Sainz And The Ding A Lings

Backfield in motion...how can I
NOT make that joke?



Sweet Coreillian Cheeseburger this woman is hot!!!!  I don't give two fucks about in depth game analysis or experience in speaking about the game of football.  Just send in the woman and leave it be.  I don't even care if she knows anything about football.  Just let her stand there.  Sorry Ronnie, Howie and Terry.  You guys are going to have to have your circle jerk somewhere else. 

And I gotta know, how many boners does this woman bring up in the locker room?  I know that she's not the only woman who's come into the pipe swingers convention but jeez she's an extra layer of hot with that accent.  SAYONARA!!  And they said I can't speak Spanish.....



My Schwartz is bigger then yours



But by now everyone knows the fact that she's been harassed by the NY Jets in the locker room as she waited for her interview because she's a hot girl.  I know most and most of the world think about this kind of stuff and say that she shouldn't have been dressed so hotly and in a male dominated, sport locker room, alpha thumping locker room full of homo erotic men showering and trying to avoid bumping uglies and NOT expected to be harassed and viewed upon as a sex object.  True, you can't dress a certain way and expected to be treated differently.  It's like the time I dressed up as a hot dog at McDonald's and was beaten up....or wait...was that a dream?  DAMN INCEPTION!!!  But in seriousness, an example would be the woman getting raped because she dressed to sexy and walked down sodomy alley in high heels in the dark.  She shouldn't have dressed as such right?





But really, how far have we really come in society when we have to teach people not to be jerks.  I mean yes I know she's like Ms. BOING however we gotta know a bit better then that to behave.  Who'd like it if they're family member acted like that?  I mean I'm told all the time: "Don't be that guy."  It's what we're taught as human beings not to treat people that way.  She dressed to something to the effect to the picture on the right and yes, it's pretty sexy but sorry, doesn't give you licence to go nuts like a Tex Avery cartoon.  Actually I think she just wore a white t-shirt but I think you get the point.  But I know it's not a simple world but a descent person stays descent because of who they are.  Nurture does play a part but really, can't the world be more like me and replace sexual frustration by burying it into a mental illness or transfer it into mindless violence with hilarious bits of quips?  I've heard it's common sense that you shouldn't dress such a way since it invites harassment and attention but it's also common fucking sense that anyone is going to feel uncomfortable if you sexually harass them and such.  Also acting like a douche can get you eviscerated like that fucking Trix Rabbit...trying to get my Trix.  I mean for christ sakes, it's a locker room, not a strip club and strippers at least get paid for what they do.  She's a reporter not a hooker.  Even though she does trade on her sexuality to get ahead by giving some guy a head.  HI OH! 

Serious reporters requires dressing seriously





Poppin Wood

In defense, you got to remember that it's a different mentality for athletes who are pumped and pushed to win in the most alpha way possible and that people need to understand that.  I mean I can't wear meat boxers to a zombie plagued or bring my sex thong to a beach (darn women always...wait...DAMN INCEPTION!!) and expected to not get stares.  Social etiquette does require such a thing because well men are quite stupid and women are kinda nuts.  I mean I can't be too mad at the guys for acting that way but I think that women DO have to take some responsibility in the matter.  A girl has the right to dress sexy and it's not an invitation to rape her, but if said woman walks into a prison, then well....you gotta lay some responsibility on the girl cause you gotta be responsible for personal safety and for situational awareness.

Ron Kantowski of the Las Vegas Review-Journal (http://www.lvrj.com/sports/three-up--three-down-103230479.html) however had a point I have to agree with, why do we need to be in the locker room at all?  I can see it for big champion celebrations and such but does a reporter need to be in there for every game?  I'm sure it's been awkward for guys too in there since watching a bunch of naked dudes swing around fleshy lances of glory isn't exactly something you want to see so much.  I mean there has to be a happy medium for this like waiting for the players outside. 

Recreation of event  *Note: Recreation dramatized for
maximum hilarity

It's a bit of a sticky situation but I think everyone has lost a bit of personal responsibility, not common sense in this matter.  Ines Sainz wasn't walking down sodomy way with high heels nor were the guys being bad guys, they're were a bit pumped (hopefully not literally) after the game.  It's a man's world but it wouldn't be nothing without a woman or a girl....cause then we'd be homosexuals. 

Public Service Annoucment

This has been a public service annoucement. 

Smells Like Teen Spirit



Official Hellcats drinking game:  Take a shot everytime
you see a mid-drift.

Alright so the new season of TV is in swing and that I'm all in cause I need to watch something while I write or workout or whatever (whatever doesn't always mean look for porn...I mean...the keyword is always).  Usually to feed my superhero fetish I of course watch Smallville and of course the amazingly awesome Supenatural.  So here comes my surprise when I stumbled onto my Friday timeslot to find a bunch of blonde cheerleaders instead.  Normally I'd be happy to see such things but I was expecting some kind of story line.  However I stayed with Hellcats mostly because I couldn't find the remote so I decided that I could zone out most of it and sneak peaks at some hard bodied and nubile young cheerleaders.  That sounds alot like high school except I'm not under the bleachers or holding a trombone (and yes there is a dirty joke in there). 

So as I kept watching, Hellcats actually wasn't too bad at all.  The writing isn't exactly Aaron Sorkin but this IS a show about cheerleaders and yes it's kinda like Bring It On the TV show but with a some miscasting.  Let me get to that but not before looking at this.....



Edgy outsiders always choose
Paul Frank



So Hellcats follows Marti (Alyson Michalka...yea I know.  I wanna call her Milk of Magnesia), a too cool for school yet brilliant smart outsider who's a pre law college girl from the wrong side of town because she wears all black.  That's how you can spot outsiders in TV black.  Sometimes they ARE black.  Now being from the wrong side of the tracks means that you gotta have fucked up parents and Marti's mom really fucked up since she lost her scholarship so Marti is forced to use her early gymnastic training to replace an injured cheerleader since cheerleaders get full rides at this school.  There she makes various friends, one being the surprisingly non-bitchy captain Savannah Monroe (Ashley Tisdale who's really nubile as a brunette) and the rest as they live together and eat together and do it all together in a porno setup without the actual porn occuring. 

Is it like Bring It On?  Yes.  I mean if fucking has dizzy Tissydale who was in like Bring It On 12 and who played a cheerleader in ten other movies.  Plus we got Milk of Magnesia in it who I'm sure did some kind of high school cheerleader movie stuff as well. But as for the rest of the cast you got Gail O'Grady playing a fuckup parent who means well instead of a cop or something on NYPD Blue (anyone still remember that show) and others who I can't remember and don't want to IMDB.  Michalka however I feel is a bit miscast or misdirected.  Since she's supposed to be the harder edged Eliza Dushku character but doesn't have the edge that Dushku brings.  She's Dushku light since there's not as much intensity.  Tisdale does play the sweet, petite, overly neat peppy cheer captain but there are some minor moment of drama where she does excel at such as the second episode in which we find out her parents disowned her for not going to the family college.  But again it's at CW, pre teen level which she's played alot.  But I do see some promise in Tisdale's acting ability and think if she transitioned to more adult roles she'd begin to really grow.  Milk of Magnesia however is at a bit of a impasse where she seems ready for the more adult harder roles but still needs time to play in the high school dramedy place to build up her chops. 



Jailbaity but 100% less illegal



However both are really hot.  I mean if you think there's just navel gazing with bare belly's then you're going to get mounds of that like mana from the heavens, and what sweet mana it is.  So you got that much eye candy and it's in spades.  The cast is descent.  I don't see any breakout stars but it seems like they all know their roles and fill them.  The biggest level of chemistry is between President Robin Palmer (DB Woodslide from Buffy and 24) who plays the team doctor Derrick Altman and Vanessa Lodge played by Sharon Neal.  If you're good enough at TV trivia then you should have no problems deciphering the above sentence. 

So all I can say is that it's a CW show.  Not a bad one but it seems that the CW is going back to the old WB Buffy/Dawsons Creek teen arena.  I mean it seems to be what works and did give us a good show in the short lived Reaper and Smallville.  So Hellcats does have some potential in the female audience and a male one since there are a ton of hot girls prancing nubiley around.  The lighting isn't terrible but I think the shows still trying to find it's footing so the style of the show isn't set yet.  But the one thing I have to say that it seems the premise is going to wear thin after about episode 4 but I'm waiting and seeing so far.  So it's guilty pleasure.  Sue me.  The dance choreography is pretty cool with lots of work you can tell going into the authenticity of the cheerleading. 

Again, not a terrible show but not a great one either since the scenes are about Disney channel level but slightly older and more risque.  It's not bad as a guilty pleasure but the plots are beginning to wear a bit thin so here's to hoping that it can do something interesting and soon.  Tom Welling, the actor who plays Clark Kent/Stuporman in Smallville is an executive producer with his finely chisled face and abs.  And I'm sure if the show survives, he'll do some directing and possibly a guest spot so we can see him mixing it up with the nuile young dressed cheerleaders and their slightly hookerish uniforms as the new cool kid who transfered from rich cool kid high.

Tom Welling Guest as the kid who wears long sleeve
shirts with short sleeve shits with long sleeve shirts.



So go check out Hellcats before it hits DVD's and you miss those personally tailored hot uniforms.

Overall: 3/5

Only The Lonely....

It's that time of year on that time of day where I reflect on shit.  Why can't I find the perfect girl like this....

Zex



On the topic of zombies, since zombies were people do they have sex?  I mean all monster have sex.  That's how they have unholy abominations hanging in the pitter patter of their claw toed feet.  Vampires have sex.  Mummies.  Frankenstein even had a bride.  Plus don't forget werewolves and the creature from the black lagoon is always trying to steal women.  Everything needs something to love it or at least needs a good shag and release (heh...shag and release.  Got my next porno movie title).  Even the guys from 3Oh!3 need love too in their douche like skinny bodied ways.  Zombies can't be any different but zombie sex has to be hard since live dating and mating is hard but undead has got to be downright harder.  But not as hard for the guys of 3Oh!3 since they are successful musicians, yet they will always remain distant since they cant' trust a hoe. 



Talk about crotch rot



Getting alittle head

So why not zombies?  I mean people are horny enough alive, imagine dead when you don't have to worry bout kids or pregnancy.  However you gotta wonder about SZTD (Sexual Zombified Transmitted Diseases).  Nothing worse then the clap (which is when your genitals fall off and clap on the ground) for a zombie cause then you just gotta carry around your organs in your back pocket, literally.  Another zex life killer is explosiveitis where if a male zombie goes too long without a release, his nuts get so big that they explode, ssometimes spontaneously from the massive amount of zemen being stored in the zombie body.  Worst of all zombie masturbation can be a killer too since if a zombie is too far gone, he can literally rip it off if not careful.  The hazards also are from other zombies since zoral zex can be very deadly for obvious reasons.  No one wants a hysterectomy.  There's another image here I can give you but I won't let you know since I want all four of my readers to come back.  The biggest threat to the zombie love life is gonnapeses, a deadly combination of herpes, gonorrhea and a form of venereal disease found only in the rare and extinct skunk rabbit.  Maggots are also a bad thing too for obvious reasons but can be easily remidied wih some mild soap and regular cleanings. 



Worst...blowjob....ever





That's right baby.  Massage my brain.



However a zombie love life can be one of the most satisfying and enrichful things in the world.  You have the mutual goal of devouring living things which is the flip of reason 3 of my previous blog.  Plus if you find one you love, you can almost literally be with her forever with forever being around a month before your body rots.  And with exposed muscles and nerve endings, there's no end to the pleasure that can be brought by a gentle massage.  And if you really want to get kinky, you can even try to nom on each other, but ask for permission first before you do so because depending on what gets nomed off can be a moment killer.  Exposed nerve endings also take little stimulation if you're still alive enough to feel things and really make that climax and foreplay something to write home about.  Zombie love between an existing couple is great as well.  It gives the couple who was once alive to share in the joy of being dead and gettin it on.  Dying is quite intense and turing into a zombie isn't a trip to Disneyland unless Disneyland is filled with drugs and suger (which I'm kinda thinking it is due to the prices and that people still pay for crap)  Don't forget the erotic thrill of sharing the same casket now other wise known as the Mile Die Club.  Zombie love lives also can be short lived through due to the hazard of human survivors and rotting bodies as well as random animals and other hazards but that can make the unholy act of zombie intercourse deeply intimate and hot.  Who doesn't like the spice of danger and excitement? 

And one of the best parts about zombie love is that you can literally create another lover.  That cute girl from across the way is now next on the hit list.  Oohhhh yea.  One bite and an hour later it's time to get funky with new zussy (zombie pussy).  And for the ladies it's the same thing too so really, you can never be lonely cause you'll have other zombies around you AND the choice of lovers.  But be careful and wrap it up because zombie Aids is no joke either.  Another thing to avoid as a zombie, zombie orgies.  All those body parts falling off and flying about.  No telling who's you're fucking or who's fucking you.  Or even if that's even your sex organ you're using. 

Here's to you Denmark!!!

Hi everyone. Looking over my stats, my biggest fan source is from right here in the good ol U S of A. However I was really surprised that the second place winner who I thought would be Canada but it’s actually Denmark. Yes, Denmark is officially kicking maple leaf ass. Congratulations Denmark and you’re kicking ass not by a narrow margin, but by an impressive, fat American waist size. As for you Canada, I’m ashamed. Time to step up yo game. You guys are the land of Mounties and Deadpool. For shame.

But this isn’t about Canada. This is a time to celebrate DENMARK! That tiny island nation that thought it could and did. So here’s to you Denmark and all that’s Danish.

Beowulf

Victor Borge

Free emergency and healthcare

College education at no cost

Legos

Vikings

Lars Ulrich

Brigitte Nielsen and Connie Nielsen (no relation)

Viggo Mortenson

and Danish's

 

And Hot Danish Girls

She's part Danish.  Which part I dont know.
Probably like a foot or a toe or something

Guess which one is a porn star.  One of them really is a porn star.

So here's to you Daneland.  Land of Danes.  Denmark.  May you continue to bake delicious pastry and give birth to hot women.  Thank you for being a part of the Pudding Bordello

Manifest Sextiny

If I said the name Princess Leia Organa you’re going to think two things. Honey bun hair. Metal Slave Bikini. Now I don’t care who you are, jock, nerd, rock star, teacher, every red blooded male in the world had their first dirty thought in watching Return of the Jedi, on that fateful sandbarge in the Tatooine desert over the pit of Sarlac. Actually a couple of minutes earlier then that because well….that was just hot and unexpected. Now I could gointo some theory about mysoginism and that men really want to quell a wild woman into a subservient slave, but in reality, it’s just hot and it becamse…the greatest, cosplay costume….EVAR! I know Star Wars links to everything else in life through philosophy, action and well general geekdom, but it’s the Leia costume that has the biggest impact.

I mean the character isn’t sexy enough already. She’s a princess who appeals to both sexes (women wanting to be one, men wanting to sleep with one), she’s a spitfire (again appeals to those who girls who don’t want to be treated like a princess and for men who want to sleep with one), able to hold her own with the boys (appeals to women who want to be strong and men who want to sleep with one) and keeps her femininity, strength and sexuality since she killed Jabba in the slave outfit and helped to rescue the boys (again….same reason as before). THEN take the name Organa. Kinda sounds like orgasm. Princess Orgasm. Who doesn’t love that? So Leia, probably the ultimate incarnation of geek chic sexy, who brought it back before it was even gone. Manifest Sextiny at it’s finest!

But getting back to the Slave Leia costume, it’s the best costume ever since it’s a perfect match of sexy but borderline slutty with a strong enough hint of the exotic that any girl would love to do it. No convention is complete with out it. And I'd go so far to say that the new trilogy (Ep.s 1 through 3) basically sucked because of a lack of a metal bikini. Sure cool lightsaber battle but fuck that if there ain't nothing sexy about it. A good movie will have all aspects for all fans. It'll be funny, full of action, then popping with wit and most importantly, sexy dames and plenty of em.


With this addition, cons are cool. ons are hot. Geek parties aren't so bad at all now are they?



Next this'll bring me on the upcoming entry on comic con costumes. Because who doesn't love those?