Monday, August 2, 2010

All Good in the Hood


Now any comic geek knows that DC/Warner puts out the best comic cartoons. Actually some of the best cartoons ever. So if you combine Batman, comics and animation it's going to be one giant nerdgasm of geeks either singing it's praises or cursing it to damnation over the tinest details. If the devil is in the details then fanboys are the devil. But there really is little to complain about in Batman: Under the Red Hood. The latest in the WB/DC line up of animated movies and I'd have to say among them, this is tied for me as the best animated comic movie (the other being the Wonder Woman animated movie). Warners has created a really dark, slightly bloody and very moody and psychological Batman epic.

*Spoiler alert*
For those of you who aren't familiar at all with the history of Batman, there have been several Robins. However Robin number 2 died tragically and quite messily at the hands of the Joker who beat him senseless with a crowbar for several hours and then blew him up with a bomb just for good measure. When that guy really wants someone dead, he really wants someone dead. I mean seriously, you can't get deader then blowing a guy up. Could've cut out the middle man with the crowbar and just blown him to Kingdom Come already. So with this Robin dead, it's really rang out as a failure for Batman who lost family as a child, to rebuild a family with Robin and to lose it again but what makes this an especially stinging defeat is that as a child, he was helpless to stop his parents murder but now as a man, a man trained to stop murder with an arsenal of angst and personal issues, he was helpless once more to stop a member of his family dying again. Now flash forward several years later and Jason has returned from the dead and is well....not very well adjusted from being murdered and beaten. Note: in the comics Jason returned from the dead from Superboy Prime punching the wall of the universe. In the movie he was brought back with the magical healing properties of the Lazarus Pit.

Too Many Robins! Not enough Hoes!



Jason was always the loose cannon of the Robins. Brash, angry, cocky and arrogant but immensely talented, kinda like a young Ghandi if Ghandi was pissed off and gun crazy. Batman first met him when he was stealing the wheels off the Batmobile when Jason was just a street kid. Now that's fucking balls to fuck with Batmans car. You never mess with a mans car. But to mess with Batman's car as a kid is just nuts.

Coming back from the dead is right up there with those pissed off American Idol rejects after a bad audition and he's adopted a persona that the man who killed him used to have, the Red Hood. Joker was the original Red Hood and now Jason has taken the mantle so that he can not just stop crime, it's so that he can control it. Jason's philosophy on crime fighting is that you can't stop it and you have to rule it through murder and intimidation, which is true fear. Not the scary boogie man vibe Batman gives out since they know he won't kill them. But also on his agenda is to eventually get to the Joker and have Batman kill him in some weird demented way that would show Jason that Batman loves him. Guys got more on his plate then Obama and he's nuttier then squirel shit. Should be a fun time to watch. It also sounds like a couple of my ex's. Actually it sounds like another comic character from another company...hmmm....



Deadpoo...I mean Red Hood...heh..I said poo

After a lengthy battle, Jason finally manages to get the three way showdown between Joker, himself and Batman which also has some homosexual undertones and sexual intensity but that's a post for another time. Here is where the acting and the dialouge shine since Jason nearly almost pleads and tries to force Batman to kill the Joker. And when Batman refuses Jason voice turns into the voice of a son who is rejected by a father in a Star Warsy way. It's true. Star Wars leads to everything in life. Fuck Lord of the Rings. There is only one return and that is of the Jedi. Yea...so it's a bit complicated and a tad ridiculous. But not as out there as something like Pirate Batman!


Courtesy of Crack.
*Spoilers over. Read on*

Now for speaking of talent, the biggest draw one would notice is the casting that DC/WB is drawing to it's animated films and this one is no exception. Serisouly they got enough star power and action here just to shoot a live action flick. Jensen Ackles (Supernatural) plays the Red Hood/Jason Todd and fits so perfectly. Ackles voice perfectly portrays the cockiness, anger, wild intensity and the dark humor that embodies Jason Todd. At first I thought he might be a poor choice to play the Red Hood but the casting choices of Andrea Romano has never been wrong and she still hasn't missed the mark here. Ackles has one of the difficult jobs of going from hurt, vulnerability, to anger, to cockiness to funny dark humor all within several seconds of each other. Those beats are hard to switch up to without going over the top or turning Hayden Christensen bitch whiny.
"Am...not WHINY! I...am the most....powerful...Jedi Ever!!"
Another challenge here was overcoming the influence of the voices used in the original Batman animated series. Kevin Conroy and Mark Hamill have become so iconic as the voices of these characters that it's hard to hear anyone else doing these voices. But Bruce Greenwood (Star Trek) has done a fantastic job of doing the voice of Batman with the perfect tint of smoke, grit, intimidation and cool that one would expect to come from The Dark Knight but the most impressive jobs is done by Joe DiMaggio (Futurama). That's right....that Joe DiMaggio who does the voice of Bender the robot. This Joker's voice is much lower and menacing then the high pitched manic glee that Mark Hammill brought to the table of the original animated series but still has a sense of growling menace and fun that gives the character a prescence on screen. In fact at several points in the movie it can almost sound like Mark Hammill's original voice coming out of the Joker. Actually in another part it also sounds like Bender the robot is being attacked by Batman which gives me a story idea to write (Batman/Futurama cross over). Rounding out the cast is Neil Patrick Harris (How I Met Your Mother) as Nightwing. Harris here brings a lightheartedness and youth the movie very much needs since the story and violence is so stark. Along with them also is Jason Issacs and Kelly Hu who round out the cast in supporting roles.

And speaking of violence...woo! Man this movie has got some graphic stuff in it.
I mean it's no Saving-Private-Ryan-Omaha-beach-arm-shot-off-guts-hanging-out-stuff but it's pretty bloody for the average cartoon movie.
And brutal since they do show some of the beating that Jason took before he died. Geez. It also has a scene in which Joker graphically slashes a guys throat and shoots several hench men with little cutting. Again, the movie isn't for kids and if your kids watch this, then parenting classes might be for you along with a therapy bill. It gets to a point where you even think Joker actually murdered a bunch of people by setting them on fire. But it's not all blood and guts and punching and kicking. It has some nice nods to the original comics in a flashback sequence that brings the youthful humor and energy that the chracter of Robin was supposed to bring (along with homosexual overtones but that's another post for another time.) It gives the movie a bittersweetness only found in Sandra Bullock flicks and if Sandra Bullock was directed by Quentin Tarintino.

Overall the movie is impressive and pretty true to the story of the comic, withstanding some minor plot details but you could live without those points since it stays at the heart of the story. The original Under the Red Hood and A Death in the Family graphic novels are quite lengthy and does differ from the movie but once again, the movie stays close to the heart of the story and retells the story that I would say is even better then the original source material. Kinda like X3 only if X3 wasn't crappy or directed by the vanilla of all directors. In fact I would say that since they deviate a bit from the source material but staying true to the heart of it, adds a sense of edge of the seat excitement since the movie is pretty much a wildcard. However there are scenes they take from the graphic novel verbatim but that's not a bad thing at all with voice cast they have. However one grip I have to have.....Red Hood looks like Deadpool. As I watched it, my mind screamed: IT"S BATMAN VS. DEADPOOL!!!! IT"S FUCKING DEADPOOL!!! HE EVEN JOKES LIKE DEADPOOL A BIT. HE USES GUNS AND KNIVES LIKE A CERTAIN MERC WITH A MOUTH AND HE WISECRACKS!!! But again...that's a minor gripe for me as a comic fan. It's like eating a regular watermelon where you have to spit out the seeds. It still tastes good but the seeds kinda get int he way. Again I would really have to recomend Batman: Under the Red Hood to anyone....except children. It gets my seal of approval.


"I'm telling you. Catwoman...loosey goosey. Look at my hands. I'm not exagerating"

Now the video on the cast of Making Batman: Under the Red Hood. You'll see that the actors love the streotype that white folks like to wear hats backwards on their day off.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I8vkC-IxzA0&feature=related

Double Trouble

With the new age ushered in by the movie Super Size Me, American fast food restaurants (if they can be considered restaurants) have become a haven of new age healthy food options full of lowered calories, grilled chicken, fresh fruit and salads and anything else green that you can shake a stick at. The gluttonous portions are a thing of the past as even bottled water is offered now at most fast food places. No where is this more apparent then the formerly greasy lair of Colonel Sanders, KFC, which is now known as KGC, Kentuckey grilled chicken.
Grilled=painted on linesColonel Sanders (AKA Colonel Sellout) has officially laid down arms and surrendered in the battle of the bulge. Oh Colonel, what twelve pieces of golden herbs and spices have they given you to give up? You should’ve fought against the power and greeted fat chubby arms in a hug of larded triumph. One of the last places in America where one can enjoy the paper containers turned clear from grease is now a place where you can have a healthy option.

However the Colonel is one sneaky bastard. The South has risen again!! And with it, the Colonel rides in guns blazing into town on a giant chicken wielding….THE DOUBLE DECKER SANDWICH!!! This little diddy even comes with a cool name. Say it ten times fast. Double Decker. Double Decker. Double Decker. May God have mercy on our now in shape souls. On this mighty behemoth of meat comes no carbs. Well…some from the breaded chicken pieces but no carbs!!!! It’s a slightly nightmarish concoction that only Luther Vandross in his last death throes envisioned. TWO chicken pieces breaded with the Colonels eleven herbs and spices and sandwiched between them are two pieces of white jack cheese. Stuck right in the middle of this orgy of….stuff is a single, solitary slice of bacon, being gang banged by all that flavor.

Now since I’m injured and can’t go to the most epic water gun fight of all time, I had to have this as a back up as entertainment. My body isn’t willing but the spirit ain’t weak. I walked into that KFC like it was my domain and ordered that sandwich like I was punching out Snookie. After some time waiting it finally arrived to me. Sadly it wasn’t what I initially expected and on a couple of different levels and I’ll get to why in a sec bubs. The only other time I remember getting that feeling was when I was eight and I had to fight Mr. Sandman at Mike Tysons Punch Out. He doesn’t look that bad ass on the profile match up screen but when he walks into the ring, GREAT ONION RINGS OF BURGER KING!! SWEET SEGA GENESIS!! That mother%$)@#^ was HUGE!!! I wasn’t sure if I was supposed to box him or defend my self from being raped. The Double Down was a bit this way. No it didn’t try to rape me but it was surprising how much it cost ($5.43 with tax) but I suppose it was normal since it was a sandwich. A really strange looking sandwich. It was like one of those carb free wraps you get at Subway but it’s as if someone turned it inside out. The other things was the also the ad made it look disgusting. The sandwich itself wasn’t that bad looking and I was a bit surprised. It’s like meeting a decent looking girl for the first time who just does not photograph well.


So onto my first bite.
"What have I done? I think I've sinned against humanity. I now expect to be beaten by Gordon Ramsey"
However I had to wait since the sandwich kinda burned me. They cooked the chicken so it’s like handling hot molten rocks like those spiritual Indian Yogi’s handle to meditate. Then I bit down into it and it was still hot as Satan’s Sphincter on a humid day but it didn’t taste like Satan’s Sphincter. I could barely taste anything so I had to wait again.
"TONIGHT...I DINE...IN HELL!!!!"
This sandwich was more difficult then I thought but I don’t go down like a cheerleader on prom night. You gotta at least buy me dinner first!! But I did gather some taste of the sandwich and it was ungodly salty. I mean it’s like they dipped this in the dead sea and then let it cook on the hood of 1978 Challenger and then dried it off in Amy Winehouses hair in the desert. Good God. I could taste some of the spices as soon as the sandwich cooled but it just made me thirsty then anything. I kept going though and got to some cheese finally and a bit of bacon which by the miracle of science of osmosis, tasted as salty as the breaded chicken. Another surprise was how much actual chicken was in this thing. The patties were not really that thick but the protective breaded layer would’ve stopped a tank round. If I covered my body in the stuff I would be a indestrutable as the Terminator. Knives would shatter, bullets would ricochet and acid would harmlessly splash off onto some innocent bystanders as I run away. Also this thing was hemoraging cheese like a wound but it wasn’t in one place. IT WAS EVERYWHERE!!
There's so much cheese. There's cheese everywhere
It’s like a tomb for the lone piece of bacon stuck inside, which ironically I think is the healthiest and least processed part of the sandwich.


The Double Down meat before it's killed and processed
I had to stop several times and eventually began to use ketchup to cover the taste of salt in my mouth.
Ketchip hides all crimes, especially of tasteI didn’t even make it half way and just stopped and re wrapped the thing. Then being the glutton for punishment I am, I got back to it several hours later because I was actually hungry. Again the thing didn’t really smell bad at all. Smelt like semi burnt chicken. But the biggest obstacle was the after taste of salt that stained my SOUL!!! I still can’t get the taste of salty, spiced chicken out of my mouth even after all the water and milk I had. I could feel it in my stomach as my gut fights to digest this monstrocity I put ito myself. I knew it has at least 1300 mg of sodium but maybe I should’ve read the information closer to see if it was 1300 mg per bite.

The sandwich ain’t actually entirely bad for you. It clocks in at 540 calories however the UK daily Mail says that the thing might actually have 1228 calories. It’s a hand grenade of of fat. I think I can live on that for at least about two days.
I never say die....WOLVERINES!!!It also has 32 grams of fat which again is a bit much and 1300 mg of sodium. Did I mention it was fucking saltier then your grandpa’s war stories??? Plus the protein comes in at a whopping 60 grams. Good lord, protein shakes don’t come that high!!

The tag line of the sandwich is “Don’t satisfy your hunger….crush it” Crush it. Along with your guts, your fat, your cholesterol level and oh….your heart. It’ll all shut down.
Augh...even the water tastes like salt
I swear I finished the thing finally over an hour ago and it’s the most full I have been in a goddamn long time. I think I have to tag team wrestle a bear and Triple H in a hell in a cell, no holds bar, shark eats the loser, casket match in order to burn this many calories off. This thing is worse than Guinness at making me full. And Guinness comes in a huge fucking cup!! The sandwich don’t taste too bad…if you can taste anything besides the sodium. Is it worth it? Not really. You’re really better off and actually healthier with a burger wrapped in lettuce. No excuse me as I call my doctor. I think this thing is slowly destroying my small intestine along with clogging an artery in my heart.

Overall: 0 out of 5

I won the batltle but at the cost of my soul (and health)
Ok. I’m back in black now. I’m back on here with a new sense of me, a new laptop (thanks mom. A new Samsung R530 with duel Intel processors…woo hoo!) and new blogs. And also a new injury which prevents me from working out as hard as I usually do. And well…also some much prodding from Justin to have my own blog. So here I am, ready to rock you like a hurricane and by that I mean come to your town and toss little toy cars and bits of sticks and leaves at you. Honestly surprised I have someone else besides Josh reading this. Honestly surprised this thing is still up. I mean 2008? Whoa. I need to update this bitch more. It’s like a pet I forgot but is still alive today somehow and still greets me with open arms….albeit rotting arms. So upcoming projects which will be coming soon….

The Deadliest Warrior (comics).
A look at DC’s top heroes taking on Marvels top heroes just like that crappy show that comes on Spike. This’ll be a bit long since a lot of the comic characters have a ton of powers I have to read through but I promise I’ll be putting those up soon.

Reviews, reviews, reviews!!!
Everything from fast food reviews (which I sacrifice my body for) and adding comic book reviews, video games (and not just new or upcoming games, I’m talking about old school games that I never played or are just too weird for consoles), movie reviews, fitness crap and other stuff that crosses my path these days.

I Like Me
This’ll just be random crap about what’s going on with me. True it’s not as awesome as Ms. Alexis Diller’s life (check her out) on my blog subscriptions. Also hire her for photos and projects. Also tell her to give me money if you hire her.

Blarg!
Just regular ass ranting.

So to the two people that actually read my blog….thanks….and be on the look out.


Me