Macho Macho Man....

Greetings few believers!!  Well guess who's back and with a new food review....ME!! 

And with my new headgear for maximum protection, I fully utilized it for my new conquest, the Macho Combo Burrito from Del Taco.  A mighty combo of mighty beef and beans with red AND green sauces and a bunch of other crap you can see in the burrito in a mighty layer of tortilla the size of my head and I have a giant head that's so massive I bent a stop sign with it one time (true story).  So by request, I have climbed this mighty Everest of a fast food favorite. 




"God!!  It's like Orson Welles Autopsy"

  So after climbing into the Mike mobile and getting my burrito, I sat down to properly devour this heart wrenching device of food.  So first bite?  God is it hot.  Gotta wait a bit for it to cool down.  I got it fresh and hot just like yo mom (BOO YAH!)  so I had to wait a bit and got some funny looks at Borders where I ate it.  (They have comfortable chairs but boy do they get made if you accidentally smear sour cream on their crap).  After it cooled, I have to say it was a proper taste of heaven.  GOD it was like an orgasm and I was quickly devouring it.  It had a great array of flavor in it from the beef and beans (which I choose, you can get it with just beef, just chicken or beef and bean) just....like Megan Fox making love with Julia Stiles.  What?  I like Julia Stiles.  Am I the only one?  Bah....philistines...



Flavor Fight

But it's not what it was the best part of the burrito.  No.  The best part was the mixture of "fresh" tomatoes, sour cream and lettuce with cheese.  I mean it was almost perfect in the balance of the ingredients except the it was a bit heavy on the sour cream and meat and beef.  I thought they killed an entire cow for this fucking thing.  I can feed a small African village with this thing and that's what makes America great!!!  At times I felt the ingridients were trying to fight each other for flavor superiority however again...it was the meat that won out.  Veggies didnt' stand a change.  But seriously, it was a bit much since I hit a vein of sour cream in the middle and it felt.....dirty since it squirted.  Was it tasty?  That's besides the point although I will say that sucking out sour cream made it feel like a weird meaty twinkie. 

*Momentary stop so that I can get all the dirty phallic jokes out of my system.

**Still waiting

***Still waiting

However the flavor once you got past that, was still heavenly.  If I had to compare it to another taco franchise place, I'd say Taco Bell's Taco supreme was probably the best comparison due to the abundance of sour cream. 

Only meat source capable of producing enough meat for
this burrito

*Stops again for dirty jokes.....



So it was again an amazing tasty feat worthy of any post drinking drunken food craving endeavor.  The only down side was the fucking size of the damn fucking thing.  I mean seriously...it's FUCKING HUGE!!!  I couldn't even finish the fries or the drink since it was so big.  It was an atom bomb for my heart cause I can feel my arteries gaining more and more plaque as we spoke.  I was going to originally do a double review for the Macho Burger from Del Taco (sad that a taco place makes a better burger then most places around me) but after eating only half the fucking burrito, I realized that attempting such a feat will fucking cause insulin shock and I may wake up with my foot or arm cut off from diabetes.  However I did black out after awhile which I figured from the itis but I awoke several hours later at home.  No memory of how I got here or what happened to the burrito and drink and fries but after looking around, I saw covered in the remain of cheese and sour cream with an empty bag and cup. 

And if you guessed if it's bad for you....absofuckinglutely.  This thing is 1050 calories and created in carb and fat hell.  You think it'd have alot of protein which it does at 49 grams but carb wise it hits 113 grams and fat wise it hits 44 grams.  I still don't get how it's over 100 grams of carbs but Jesus this thing is fattening.  But it's soo good.  I mean of course by all accounts it fails health wise but do you really want to live forever?  But the taste is amazing.  Like if Megan Fox was a taste, it would be this.  I mean I wanted to name this burrito original sin since it's probably what tempted Adam and Eve instead of a fucking apple. 

Overall Taste: 5/5

Overall Health: 1/5

*Note, headgear, did nothing.

Mr. Postman...Mr. Postman...what the hell are you bringing me?

Hello PB,

I have a question if you wouldn't mind answering. 

1) PS3 or XBOX 360? 
2) What do you think of the new Superman/Batman movie? 
3) Since you like Halo, can you review Halo Wars?  I don't know if I want it yet. 

Thank you.  I like your blog. 

Frank Tucker
Alberta, Canada

GASP!!  A Canadia person!!  You people have been quite disappointing as a prescience on this blog.  The Danes are whipping you up and down and soon they'll over take you in hockey.  You and your awesome flag and happy people and hockey playing mother cannuckers have been underwhelming to say the least on the blog.  But I'm a big fan of Due South and Canadia Mounties so I shall gladly answer your question.  And lookie...it's numbered for easy access (insert dirty thought and/or joke here)

But before I start, you win the award for the inability to count properly since that is not one question but three and are currently in the running for the proof locker award, which is the award for the lack of a proof reader.  Onto the question

1) Post Scrotumatium level 3 is not a joking manner.  I don't know why you would want such a disease in which your scrotum tries to eat itself so I'd have to say XBOX 360.  It's got the Halo series which is a plus and much better online capabilities.  Sure it's not as fancy as the other systems but it has a variety of better games. 
2) Weee wooo!!!  You exposed my new upcoming review as soon as I can get it on DVD or bootlegged from another source through Vietnamese bootleggers.  Hopefully those guys will forget that I tried to screw them out of paying for TMNT 3.  Those little guys are some angry little fuckers.  I guess they haven't forgot about that whole war thing.
3) It's not CAN I review Halo Wars.  I can and will and do it better in bed ladies*!  And it's a Bungie game.  I don't think they've ever put out a bad game....ever.  So yea.  So look for the review in a couple of weeks.  And good luck on your self eating testicles.  Poor fella.  It's like two pitbulls wrestling in a canvas sack over a bone. 

What happens when you get PS3

*Response to letter was delayed due to blogger flexing in front of mirror incessantly with his fat molded into muscles

Hey Puddin B's

Thanks for the blog and I just wanted to say that I'd really like to say that you're awesome.  Please publish my letter and pick me to be showcased.  I promise to be your best reader and friend.  Muah

Holla at cha girl

Karissa Lee

Hmm...a female blog reader.  Well Karissa all you gotta to is hook me up with a naked sexy video of yours doing something with pudding and you're right as rain for getting put on the site. 

Something like this is also acceptable

Hi Pudding Bordello or Michael or whatever strange lyrical apparatus you call yourself you ghost in my machine. 

I wanted to write in say that I really like your blog and it's really fun to read and I feel that I've found a kindred brother to share my brew with.  And not sharing in a way to drown you but in a way to drink after we drown someone else.  Anyway I request humbly a review of the great and mighty Del Taco Macho Beef Burrito.  Prove that your are a man of men and that you can conquer such a mighty mighty food source of meat.  Quench tha bloodlust and tell us that you survive and what it tastes like.  If you don't have a Del Taco, do a Sonic Frito Chili Pie. 

Also thanks for the workout tips.  Give me a tip about getting bigger.  Thanks. 

Evan Joliet
Los Angeles, California

This is my reason for being the mess I am Evan.
You're worse then I am and I don't want to know why.

Geez.  Can't I just ever get nice normal readers just like that Alexis Diller girl's blog or The MEP site?  Now you win the crazier then me award.  But here you are and although you're scaring the living daylights out of me and turning it into night, I'm glad your wrote in few believer into this piece of the net.  Yea...I got Del Tacos where I'm at and can do a review of the Macho Combo Burrito and prove my manliness to you by sticking a giant white phallic food object into my mouth and cramming it down as much as I can into my maw.  However I may forget since I am busy with other things going on in my life so I'll try to get to it as soon as possible.  And Sonic's are rarer then Del Taco's.  Why must you torture me by giving me obscure food sources?  I live in the city.  Not the damn woods.  Stop making it hard for me and try to kill me with model lingerie bowl players instead of a massive coronary where the plasma in my blood turns to solid and wreeks of delicious delicious greasy meat.  We got a Sonic though so we shall see what I can get.  If you care that much...click on banner ads and help get me paid so that I can continue to provide you with quality edutainment and borderline drivel for free.  It's really costing you nothing.  Just a mouse click.  Or else I have to resort to selling out to subliminal                                                                                      advertising

Oh and as for getting bigger, two words: Penis pump.  OR just be happy with what God gave ya. 

Alright...those are about all the lette....ahh...time I mean I have for letters.  So remember if you need anything reviewed....