Ask The Pudd(ing Bordello) or Mike, Why Can't I Be As Awesome As You?

Now open to your letters!  The Pudding Bordello is taking your letters now.  Yes you can write into me here and I will openly answer your questions on anything and everything to the best of my abilities1 while verbally abusing you2.  Also I'll be taking your requests to review whatever item you want me to review3.  However I have to be able to afford the item or have it provided to me3.  So go on and put down that porn, do away with that comic and ignore your significant other and write in to me here at the Bordello.

Mediumcool2000@gmail.com

1) Full of crap.  I'll just pretend to know stuff
2) Not allowed to abuse me back
3) Offer not valid in parts of Canada, Iceland and random islands off the coast of Fiji.  Also clicking on the ads brings in money so that I can review whatever you want. 

Just no Arby's.  What am I?  Living in the south?

...and with a Diet Coke

I came across this list of the 200 some odd fast food choices that are the worst for you.

1.
White Castle Chocolate Shake - Large (Louisville region)
Calories: 1680
2.
Nathan's Fish N Chips
Calories: 1537
3.
Carl's Jr. Double Six Dollar Burger
Calories: 1520
4.
Hardee's Monster Thickburger
Calories: 1420
5.
Dairy Queen Large Choc. Chip Cookie Dough Blizzard
Calories: 1320
6.
Hardee's Double Bacon Cheese Thickburger
Calories: 1300
7.
Dairy Queen Large Chocolate Malt
Calories: 1300
8.
Nathan's Chicken Tender Platter
Calories: 1300
9.
Jack In The Box OREO Cookie Ice Cream Shake (24oz)
Calories: 1290
10.
Dairy Queen Chicken Strip Basket (6 piece)
Calories: 1270
11.
Hardee's Double Thickburger
Calories: 1250
12.
Burger King TRIPLE WHOPPER Sandwich With Cheese
Calories: 1230
13.
Jack In The Box Chocolate Ice Cream Shake (24oz)
Calories: 1230
14.
White Castle Chocolate Shake - Large (New Jersey region)
Calories: 1230
15.
Hardee's Big Country Breakfast Platter - Breaded Pork Chop
Calories: 1220
16.
Jack In The Box Strawberry Ice Cream Shake (24oz)
Calories: 1220
17.
Jack In The Box Egg Nog Shake (24oz)
Calories: 1210
18.
Nathan's FRENCH FRIES (SUPER SIZE)
Calories: 1188
19.
White Castle Vanilla Shake - Large (New Jersey region)
Calories: 1180
20.
Del Taco Macho Beef Burrito
Calories: 1170

21.
McDonald's Chocolate Triple Thick Shake (32oz)
Calories: 1160
22.
Hardee's Big Country Breakfast Platter - Country Steak
Calories: 1150
23.
McDonald's Deluxe Breakfast (Large Size Biscuit) w/o Syrup & Margarine
Calories: 1140
24.
Carl's Jr. Guacamole Bacon Six Dollar Burger
Calories: 1140
25.
Hardee's Big Country Breakfast Platter - Chicken
Calories: 1140
26.
White Castle Vanilla Shake - Large (Cincinnati region)
Calories: 1140
27.
Burger King TRIPLE WHOPPER Sandwich
Calories: 1130
28.
White Castle Chicken Rings (20)
Calories: 1130
29.
White Castle Chocolate Shake - Large (Cincinnati region)
Calories: 1130
30.
Carl's Jr. Western Bacon Six Dollar Burger
Calories: 1130
31.
Dairy Queen Large Chocolate Shake
Calories: 1130
32.
Jack In The Box Bacon 'n' Cheese Ciabatta Burger
Calories: 1120
33.
Jack In The Box Sirloin Bacon 'n' Cheese Burger
Calories: 1120
34.
McDonald's Vanilla Triple Thick Shake (32oz)
Calories: 1110
35.
McDonald's Strawberry Triple Thick Shake (32oz)
Calories: 1110
36.
Del Taco Macho Nachos
Calories: 1100
37.
Jack In The Box Bacon Ultimate Cheeseburger
Calories: 1090
38.
White Castle Fish Nibblers - Sack
Calories: 1090
39.
White Castle Strawberry Shake - Large (Minneapolis region)
Calories: 1090
40.
White Castle Vanilla Shake - Large (Nashville region)
Calories: 1090
41.
White Castle Chocolate Shake - Large (Nashville region)
Calories: 1090
42.
McDonald's Deluxe Breakfast (Reg. Size Biscuit) w/o Syrup & Margarine
Calories: 1070
43.
Jack In The Box Sirloin Cheese Burger
Calories: 1070
44.
Carl's Jr. Bacon Cheese Six Dollar Burger
Calories: 1070
45.
Hardee's Six Dollar Burger
Calories: 1060
46.
Hardee's Big Country Breakfast Platter - Sausage
Calories: 1060
47.
Del Taco Macho Combo Burrito
Calories: 1050
48.
Jack In The Box Vanilla Ice Cream Shake (24oz)
Calories: 1050
49.
Dairy Queen Large Reese's Peanut Butter Cup Blizzard
Calories: 1050
50.
Del Taco Macho Bacon & Egg Burrito
Calories: 1030
51.
Dairy Queen FlameThrower GrillBurger (1/2lb)
Calories: 1030
52.
Dairy Queen Chicken Strip Basket (4 piece)
Calories: 1030
53.
Dairy Queen Medium Choc. Chip Cookie Dough Blizzard
Calories: 1030
54.
Hardee's Grilled Sourdough Thickburger
Calories: 1030
55.
White Castle Chocolate Shake - Large (New York region)
Calories: 1020
56.
White Castle Strawberry Shake - Large (Columbus & Detroit regions)
Calories: 1010
57.
Jack In The Box Ultimate Cheeseburger
Calories: 1010
58.
Sonic Peanut Butter Shake - Large (20oz)
Calories: 1010
59.
Carl's Jr. Original Six Dollar Burger
Calories: 1010
60.
Burger King BK Quad Stacker
Calories: 1000
61.
Arby's Meatball Toasted Sub
Calories: 1000
62.
Dairy Queen Large Oreo Cookies Blizzard
Calories: 1000
63.
Boston Market Boston Sirloin Dip Carver
Calories: 1000
64.
Burger King DOUBLE WHOPPER Sandwich with Cheese
Calories: 990
65.
Sonic Chocolate Cream Pie Shake - Large (20 oz)
Calories: 990
66.
Dairy Queen Large Strawberry CheeseQuake Blizzard
Calories: 990
67.
White Castle Vanilla Shake - Large (New York region)
Calories: 990
68.
Wendy's Triple w/Everything and Cheese
Calories: 980
69.
Sonic Super Sonic Cheeseburger (with mayo)
Calories: 980
70.
Hardee's Big Country Breakfast Platter - Bacon
Calories: 980

71.
White Castle Onion Chips - Sack
Calories: 980
72.
Carl's Jr. Double Western Bacon Cheeseburger
Calories: 970
73.
Hardee's Big Country Breakfast Platter - Country Ham
Calories: 970
74.
Arby's Sausage Gravy Biscuit
Calories: 961
75.
Burger King OREO Sundae Shake - Chocolate - Medium
Calories: 960
76.
Burger King Chocolate Milk Shake - Large
Calories: 950
77.
White Castle Chocolate Shake - Large (St Louis region)
Calories: 950
78.
Jack In The Box Sourdough Ultimate Cheeseburger
Calories: 950
79.
Nathan's Chicken Breast Platter
Calories: 943
80.
Boston Market Boston Meatloaf Carver
Calories: 940
81.
Sonic FRITOS Chili Pie
Calories: 940
82.
Sonic Peanut Butter Fudge Shake-Large (20oz)
Calories: 940
83.
Burger King OREO Sundae Shake - Strawberry - Medium
Calories: 940
84.
White Castle Vanilla Shake - Large (Minneapolis region)
Calories: 940
85.
Carl's Jr. Super Star (with cheese)
Calories: 930
86.
Del Taco Macho Chicken Burrito
Calories: 930
87.
Burger King Strawberry Milk Shake - Large
Calories: 930
88.
Sonic Chicken Strip Dinner (4)
Calories: 930
89.
Sonic Strawberry Cream Pie Shake - Large (20 oz)
Calories: 930
90.
Hardee's Thickburger
Calories: 910
91.
Hardee's Bacon Cheese Thickburger
Calories: 910
92.
Jack In The Box OREO Cookie Ice Cream Shake - 16oz
Calories: 910
93.
Burger King DOUBLE WHOPPER Sandwich
Calories: 900
94.
Sonic Super Sonic Cheeseburger (with ketchup)
Calories: 900
95.
Sonic M&M's Sonic Blast - Large (20oz)
Calories: 900
96.
Dairy Queen Medium Chocolate Malt
Calories: 900
97.
Sonic Super Sonic Cheeseburger (with mustard)
Calories: 890
98.
Sonic Super Sonic Jalapeno Cheeseburger
Calories: 890
99.
Pizza Hut Meat Lover's 6" Personal Pan Pizza (whole pizza)
Calories: 890
100.
White Castle Chocolate Shake - Large (Columbus & Detroit regions)
Calories: 890
101.
White Castle Chocolate Shake - Medium (New Jersey region)
Calories: 890
102.
Jack In The Box Strawberry Ice Cream Shake (16oz)
Calories: 880
103.
Jack In The Box Chocolate Ice Cream Shake (16oz)
Calories: 880
104.
KFC Chicken and Biscuit Bowl
Calories: 870
105.
Sonic Butterfinger Sonic Blast - Large (20oz)
Calories: 870
106.
Sonic Hot Fudge Shake - Large (20oz)
Calories: 870
107.
Jack In The Box Egg Nog Shake (16oz)
Calories: 870
108.
Jack In The Box Single Bacon n' Cheese Ciabatta Burger
Calories: 870
109.
Nathan's SUPER BURGER
Calories: 863
110.
Subway Double Meatball Marinara
Calories: 860
111.
White Castle Chocolate Shake - Medium (Nashville region)
Calories: 860
112.
White Castle Vanilla Shake - Large (Columbus & Detroit regions)
Calories: 860
113.
White Castle Vanilla Shake - Medium (New Jersey region)
Calories: 860
114.
Sonic Banana Cream Pie Shake - Large (20oz)
Calories: 860
115.
Nathan's BURGER WITH CHEESE
Calories: 850
116.
White Castle Chocolate Shake - Large (Indianapolis region)
Calories: 850
117.
Sonic Coconut Cream Pie Shake - Large (20oz)
Calories: 850
118.
Arby's Mozzarella Sticks - Large (8)
Calories: 849
119.
Arby's Chicken Parmesan Toasted Sub
Calories: 843
120.
Taco Bell Fiesta Taco Salad
Calories: 840

121.
White Castle Mozzarella Cheese Sticks (10)
Calories: 840
122.
White Castle Vanilla Shake - Medium (Cincinnati region)
Calories: 840

123.
White Castle Strawberry Shake - Large (Cincinnati region)
Calories: 840
124.
Dairy Queen Mocha MooLatte (24oz)
Calories: 840
125.
Dairy Queen Caramel MooLatte (24oz)
Calories: 840
126.
Sonic Chocolate Malt - Large (20oz)
Calories: 840
127.
Sonic Reese's Peanut Butter Cups Sonic Blast - Large (20oz)
Calories: 840
128.
Arby's Roast Turkey Ranch & Bacon Sandwich
Calories: 834
129.
Wendy's Baconator
Calories: 830
130.
Carl's Jr. Philly Cheesesteak Burger
Calories: 830
131.
Carl's Jr. Breakfast Burger
Calories: 830
132.
Jack In The Box Fish & Chips (Large)
Calories: 830
133.
Subway 8" Pizza (Sausage)
Calories: 830
134.
Burger King OREO Sundae Shake - Vanilla - Medium
Calories: 830
135.
White Castle Strawberry Shake - Large (Chicago region)
Calories: 830
136.
White Castle Chocolate Shake - Medium (Cincinnati region)
Calories: 830
137.
Arby's Classic Italian Toasted Sub
Calories: 828
138.
Arby's Onion Petals - Large
Calories: 828
139.
Dairy Queen GrillBurger™ with Cheese (1/2lb)
Calories: 820
140.
Carl's Jr. Loaded Breakfast Burrito
Calories: 820
141.
Burger King Vanilla Milk Shake - Large
Calories: 820
142.
White Castle Chocolate Shake - Large (Chicago region)
Calories: 820
143.
Del Taco Shredded Beef Combo Burrito
Calories: 815
144.
Sonic Chocolate Shake - Large (20oz)
Calories: 810
145.
White Castle Chocolate Shake - Medium (Louisville region)
Calories: 810
146.
Dairy Queen Large Banana Split Blizzard
Calories: 810
147.
Burger King BK Triple Stacker
Calories: 800
148.
Dunkin Donuts Sausage Egg Cheese Biscuit Sandwich
Calories: 800
149.
Hardee's Big Chicken Fillet Sandwich
Calories: 800
150.
A&W Original Bacon Double Cheeseburger
Calories: 800
151.
Taco Bell Chicken Fiesta Taco Salad
Calories: 800

Fast Food Items With 700-799 Calories

152.
Burger King TENDERCRISP Chicken Sandwich
Calories: 790
153.
McDonald's Big Breakfast (Large Size Biscuit)
Calories: 790
154.
Subway 8" Pizza (Pepperoni)
Calories: 790
155.
Jack In The Box Vanilla Ice Cream Shake - 16oz
Calories: 790
156.
Jack In The Box Sirloin Steak & Egg Burrito (no salsa)
Calories: 790
157.
Jack In The Box Sirloin Steak & Egg Burrito with Fire Roasted Tomato Salsa
Calories: 790
158.
White Castle Strawberry Shake - Medium (Minneapolis region)
Calories: 790
159.
White Castle Vanilla Shake - Medium (Nashville region)
Calories: 790
160.
White Castle Homestyle Onion Rings - Sack
Calories: 790
161.
Sonic Oreo Sonic Blast - Large (20oz)
Calories: 790
162.
Chick-Fil-A Hand-Spun Milkshake (Cookies & Cream)
Calories: 790
163.
Dairy Queen Medium Reese's Peanut Butter Cup Blizzard
Calories: 790
164.
Carl's Jr. OREO Cookie Malt
Calories: 790
165.
Nathan's CHEESESTEAK (SUPREME)
Calories: 786
166.
Del Taco Shredded Beef Breakfast Burrito
Calories: 785
167.
Del Taco Deluxe Taco Salad
Calories: 780
168.
Hardee's Loaded Breakfast Burrito
Calories: 780
169.
Hardee's Chocolate Malt (Hand-Dipped)
Calories: 780
170.
Sonic Strawberry Malt - Large (20oz)
Calories: 780
171.
Sonic Bacon Cheeseburger
Calories: 780
172.
Sonic Java Chiller, Chocolate/Caramel (20oz)
Calories: 780
173.
Dairy Queen DQ Ultimate Burger
Calories: 780
174.
Dairy Queen FlameThrower GrillBurger (1/4lb)
Calories: 780
175.
Dairy Queen Medium Chocolate Shake
Calories: 780
176.
Carl's Jr. Vanilla Malt
Calories: 780
177.
Carl's Jr. Chocolate Malt
Calories: 780
178.
Boston Market Pastry Top Chicken Pot Pie
Calories: 780
179.
Arby's Ultimate BLT Sandwich
Calories: 779
180.
Arby's Roast Beef & Swiss Sandwich
Calories: 777
181.
Hardee's Strawberry Malt (Hand-Dipped)
Calories: 775
182.
KFC Chicken Pot Pie
Calories: 770
183.
Hardee's Loaded Biscuit 'N' Gravy Breakfast Bowl
Calories: 770
184.
Hardee's Vanilla Malt (Hand-Dipped)
Calories: 770
185.
Jack In The Box Sirloin Steak 'n' Cheddar Ciabatta
Calories: 770
186.
Taco Bell Nachos BellGrande
Calories: 770
187.
Dairy Queen French Vanilla MooLatte (24oz)
Calories: 770
188.
McDonald's Chocolate Triple Thick Shake (21oz)
Calories: 770
189.
Carl's Jr. Strawberry Malt
Calories: 770
190.
Boston Market Boston Turkey Carver
Calories: 770
191.
Boston Market Boston Turkey Dip Carver
Calories: 770
192.
Arby's Chicken Salad w/ Pecans Sandwich
Calories: 769
193.
Burger King WHOPPER Sandwich with Cheese
Calories: 760
194.
Sonic Pineapple Malt - Large (20oz)
Calories: 760
195.
Sonic Java Chiller, Caramel (20oz)
Calories: 760
196.
Sonic Java Chiller, Chocolate (20oz)
Calories: 760
197.
Chick-Fil-A Hand-Spun Milkshake (Chocolate)
Calories: 760
198.
Dunkin Donuts Pastrami Supreme Sandwich
Calories: 760
199.
Nathan's FRENCH FRIES (LARGE)
Calories: 758
200.
Jack In The Box Chipotle Chicken Ciabatta with Spicy Crispy Chicken
Calories: 750
201-272
#
Jack In The Box Sampler Trio
Calories: 750
#
Sonic Java Chiller, Caramel/Hazelnut (20oz)
Calories: 750
#
Sonic Java Chiller, Hazelnut (20oz)
Calories: 750
#
Sonic Strawberry Shake - Large (20oz)
Calories: 750
#
Sonic Java Chiller, Chocolate/Hazelnut (20oz)
Calories: 750
#
Subway Footlong Sweet Onion Chicken Teriyaki
Calories: 750
#
Nathan's ONION RINGS (LARGE)
Calories: 744
#
Nathan's CHEESESTEAK (ORIGINAL)
Calories: 740
#
KFC Famous Bowls (Mashed Potato with Gravy)
Calories: 740
#
McDonald's Double Quarter Pounder with Cheese
Calories: 740
#
McDonald's Strawberry Triple Thick Shake (21oz)
Calories: 740
#
McDonald's Vanilla Triple Thick Shake (21oz)
Calories: 740
#
White Castle Chocolate Shake - Medium (New York region)
Calories: 740
#
Subway 8" Pizza (Cheese & Veggies)
Calories: 740
#
Dairy Queen Brownie Earthquake
Calories: 740
#
A&W Reese's Polar Swirl (medium)
Calories: 740
#
Jack In The Box Sausage, Egg & Cheese Biscuit
Calories: 740
#
Sonic Chicken Club Toaster Sandwich
Calories: 740
#
Del Taco Deluxe Chicken Salad
Calories: 740
#
Arby's Philly Beef Toasted Sub
Calories: 739
#
Burger King Enormous Omelet Sandwich
Calories: 730
#
Chick-Fil-A Hand-Spun Milkshake (Strawberry)
Calories: 730
#
White Castle Strawberry Shake - Medium (Columbus & Detroit regions)
Calories: 730
#
Sonic Pineapple Shake - Large (20oz)
Calories: 730
#
Dairy Queen Large French Fries
Calories: 730
#
Dairy Queen DQ Homestyle Bacon Double Cheeseburger
Calories: 730
#
Dairy Queen Medium Strawberry CheeseQuake Blizzard
Calories: 730
#
Arby's Roast Turkey & Swiss Sandwich
Calories: 725
#
Nathan's Chicken Tender Sandwich
Calories: 724
#
McDonald's Big Breakfast (Regular Size Biscuit)
Calories: 720
#
Hardee's Mushroom 'N' Swiss Thickburger
Calories: 720
#
Dunkin Donuts Tropical Fruit Smoothie (Large)
Calories: 720
#
White Castle Vanilla Shake - Medium (New York region)
Calories: 720
#
Dairy Queen Small Choc. Chip Cookie Dough Blizzard
Calories: 720
#
A&W Papa Burger
Calories: 720
#
A&W Original Double Cheeseburger
Calories: 720
#
A&W Vanilla Milkshake (medium)
Calories: 720
#
Jack In The Box Bacon Cheddar Potato Wedges
Calories: 720

#
Sonic Cheeseburger (with mayo)
Calories: 720
#
Sonic Dixie cheeseburger
Calories: 720
#
Sonic Tater Tots w/chili & cheese (SONIC Size)
Calories: 720
#
Carl's Jr. Jalapeno Burger
Calories: 720
#
Carl's Jr. Bacon Swiss Crispy Chicken Sandwich
Calories: 720
#
Carl's Jr. OREO Cookie Shake
Calories: 720
#
Subway Double Chicken Bacon Ranch
Calories: 710
#
Hardee's Monster Biscuit
Calories: 710
#
Hardee's Vanilla Shake (Hand-Dipped) (regular)
Calories: 710
#
A&W M&M Polar Swirl (medium)
Calories: 710
#
Jack In The Box Sourdough Jack
Calories: 710
#
Pizza Hut Supreme 6" Personal Pan Pizza (whole pizza)
Calories: 710
#
Del Taco Deluxe Chili Cheese Fries
Calories: 710
#
Sonic Banana Malt - Large (20oz)
Calories: 710
#
Jack In The Box Ciabatta Breakfast Sandwich
Calories: 710
#
Dairy Queen Peanut Buster Parfait
Calories: 710
#
Dairy Queen Cappuccino MooLatte (24oz)
Calories: 710
#
Carl's Jr. Western Bacon Cheeseburger
Calories: 710
#
Carl's Jr. Chicken Breast Strips (5 pieces)
Calories: 710
#
Carl's Jr. Vanilla Shake
Calories: 710
#
Carl's Jr. Chocolate Shake
Calories: 710
#
Arby's Loaded Potato Bites - Large (10)
Calories: 707
#
Nathan's BACON CHEESEBURGER
Calories: 706
#
Arby's Roast Ham & Swiss Sandwich
Calories: 705
#
Wendy's Double w/Everything and Cheese
Calories: 700
#
Arby's Roast Turkey Ranch & Bacon Wrap
Calories: 700
#
Hardee's Chocolate Shake (Hand-Dipped) (regular)
Calories: 700
#
Hardee's Strawberry Shake (Hand-Dipped) (regular)
Calories: 700
#
A&W Chocolate Milkshake (medium)
Calories: 700
#
Jack In The Box Jack's Spicy Chicken with Cheese
Calories: 700
#
White Castle French Fries - Sack
Calories: 700
#
Sonic Vanilla Malt - Large (20oz)
Calories: 700
#
Carl's Jr. Strawberry Shake
Calories: 700
#
Boston Market Boston Chicken Carver
Calories: 700

WHAT THE FUCK IS IN THE WHITE CASTLE CHOCOLATE SHAKE??????!!!!! An entire Thanksgiving meal mixed with lard and kept together in a deep fried shell and then liquidated like the T-1000 in chocolate?? Holy shit. A pizza doesn’t even have that many calories!!! Or maybe it was an entire population of a eastern European village? Yes…you are actually better off eating a full fucking pizza then drink this damn shake. And the burgers, holy Jack strangling Burger King!!! That thing must be fucking MASSIVE in order to fucking beat a full size pizza. A whole cow must’ve been slaughtered and crammed into a burger along with a pinch of lettuce for flavor and health. Heckly deckly, the coke I had on Saturday is nothing compared to this. I feel like Calista Flockheart after this list. Wonder what she’s up to lately….hmmm..

Winner Winner Chicken Dinner!!

In the already saturated chicken sandwich market were scores and valleys of chicken breasts are stuck between two pieces of bread, McDonalds has now introduced the Southern Style Chicken Sandwich. The “…perfect sandwich. So simple, so juicy, so perfectly seasoned….” chicken breast that only the laziest and cheapest of bachelors can afford to make this. This is probably just the worst gimmick they can possible make to cram another chicken sandwich down America’s already bloated throats. And I’m going to try it!

So after going to my local Mickey D’s on 4th, (man did I just date myself by calling it Mickey D’s) and picking up the sandwich, I settled into the my comfy seat at my desk and carefully scrutinized my new lunch. Now ok, so since it’s since it’s supposed to be southern style, I guess that means it’s supposed to be kinda spicy and simple and not that great for you since the damn thing is mostly meat. The only vegetables are 3 razor thin transparent pickles and whatever lettuce remnants which managed to be accidentally rubbed on. This is a sad sandwich to look at. I mean sure it’s a mighty breast (that’s what she said) but you gotta have a bit of mix of some other ingredients . I mean the fucking sandwich is 90% breast and is it quality breast? Actually kinda so you got me there McDonalds. But come on! It’s not a bad sandwich for 2.89 really but I’d still like a some kinda of veggie or something else on it. I mean Jack in the Box’s regular chicken sandwich which is kinda the same thing is a dollar. And it actually comes with other ingredients.

And what does this say about the south? That they’re idea of fine cuisine is just a piece of meat with bread. MEAT WITH BREAD!? COME ON MCDONALDS! THIS IS BASICALLY A HOT DOG! Put some other crap in this sandwich to make it worth the money. Southern cooking isn’t known the world over but they got better things then poor folks food on the menu. The south kinda has a bad enough rap with the Confederate flag and the twangy accents, which are kinda cool and kinda sexy on hot girls but this is besides the point. It kinda makes me want to Cobra Clutch the chef’s at McDonalds so the blood remains in their heads so they can come up with something better.

So I finally bit into the damn thing and I was pleasantly surprised. I mean the breakfast burrito to I ate months ago was alright but this was much better then that. Or my expectations were so low that even McDonalds can finally meet it. Anyway, this thing actually isn’t too bad. I thought it was going to be a cheap chicken breast that you get in every other McDonalds sandwich but this is actually a different type of chicken breast. Way to go Mickey D’s (argh…gotta stop calling it that). But I don’t really taste all the spices and herbs that McDonalds promises. I had to chomp on it and carefully comb through each part of the sandwich with my tongue to find the spices of it all and it was fucking insane to do so! I felt like a UN weapons inspector looking for weapons of mass destruction a couple years back before the Iraq war. And buttery buns. I don’t know what kind of butter this is but its invisible tasteless butter. McDonalds, did you use invisible tasteless butter or did you use as little butter as possible on the bun because you think butter will turn into currency someday in the near future? More flavor damn it!
Overall it isn’t something I spat out and ran to the bathroom and scraped out my tongue with a rock with. It was actually a descent sandwich but not up to the hype that the ad peoples want you to believe it as. As much as I rag on McDonalds, they’ve kinda come up in the recent years with healthier stuff and coffee that tastes pretty good. But this one was a miss, airball, Patrick Ewing missing the dunk during the finals. If you didn’t hype it up as a flavor full piece of fast food gourmet straight from the south, then I wouldn’t have minded it. But you had to do it ad peoples. You just had to do it.

Overall
3/5