Macho Macho Man....

Greetings few believers!!  Well guess who's back and with a new food review....ME!! 

And with my new headgear for maximum protection, I fully utilized it for my new conquest, the Macho Combo Burrito from Del Taco.  A mighty combo of mighty beef and beans with red AND green sauces and a bunch of other crap you can see in the burrito in a mighty layer of tortilla the size of my head and I have a giant head that's so massive I bent a stop sign with it one time (true story).  So by request, I have climbed this mighty Everest of a fast food favorite. 




"God!!  It's like Orson Welles Autopsy"

  So after climbing into the Mike mobile and getting my burrito, I sat down to properly devour this heart wrenching device of food.  So first bite?  God is it hot.  Gotta wait a bit for it to cool down.  I got it fresh and hot just like yo mom (BOO YAH!)  so I had to wait a bit and got some funny looks at Borders where I ate it.  (They have comfortable chairs but boy do they get made if you accidentally smear sour cream on their crap).  After it cooled, I have to say it was a proper taste of heaven.  GOD it was like an orgasm and I was quickly devouring it.  It had a great array of flavor in it from the beef and beans (which I choose, you can get it with just beef, just chicken or beef and bean) just....like Megan Fox making love with Julia Stiles.  What?  I like Julia Stiles.  Am I the only one?  Bah....philistines...



Flavor Fight

But it's not what it was the best part of the burrito.  No.  The best part was the mixture of "fresh" tomatoes, sour cream and lettuce with cheese.  I mean it was almost perfect in the balance of the ingredients except the it was a bit heavy on the sour cream and meat and beef.  I thought they killed an entire cow for this fucking thing.  I can feed a small African village with this thing and that's what makes America great!!!  At times I felt the ingridients were trying to fight each other for flavor superiority however again...it was the meat that won out.  Veggies didnt' stand a change.  But seriously, it was a bit much since I hit a vein of sour cream in the middle and it felt.....dirty since it squirted.  Was it tasty?  That's besides the point although I will say that sucking out sour cream made it feel like a weird meaty twinkie. 

*Momentary stop so that I can get all the dirty phallic jokes out of my system.

**Still waiting

***Still waiting

However the flavor once you got past that, was still heavenly.  If I had to compare it to another taco franchise place, I'd say Taco Bell's Taco supreme was probably the best comparison due to the abundance of sour cream. 

Only meat source capable of producing enough meat for
this burrito

*Stops again for dirty jokes.....



So it was again an amazing tasty feat worthy of any post drinking drunken food craving endeavor.  The only down side was the fucking size of the damn fucking thing.  I mean seriously...it's FUCKING HUGE!!!  I couldn't even finish the fries or the drink since it was so big.  It was an atom bomb for my heart cause I can feel my arteries gaining more and more plaque as we spoke.  I was going to originally do a double review for the Macho Burger from Del Taco (sad that a taco place makes a better burger then most places around me) but after eating only half the fucking burrito, I realized that attempting such a feat will fucking cause insulin shock and I may wake up with my foot or arm cut off from diabetes.  However I did black out after awhile which I figured from the itis but I awoke several hours later at home.  No memory of how I got here or what happened to the burrito and drink and fries but after looking around, I saw covered in the remain of cheese and sour cream with an empty bag and cup. 

And if you guessed if it's bad for you....absofuckinglutely.  This thing is 1050 calories and created in carb and fat hell.  You think it'd have alot of protein which it does at 49 grams but carb wise it hits 113 grams and fat wise it hits 44 grams.  I still don't get how it's over 100 grams of carbs but Jesus this thing is fattening.  But it's soo good.  I mean of course by all accounts it fails health wise but do you really want to live forever?  But the taste is amazing.  Like if Megan Fox was a taste, it would be this.  I mean I wanted to name this burrito original sin since it's probably what tempted Adam and Eve instead of a fucking apple. 

Overall Taste: 5/5

Overall Health: 1/5

*Note, headgear, did nothing.