Hello few believers! The image above is to show how much I love you guys. Just came out of the shop and wanted to give you a quick rundown of some series because writing all of these would take days and I have porn to watch. Hopefully I'll be able to get write a full scale write up report on some of these with hilarious insults that you've come to expect from me (I knew sleeping with Lisa Lampinelli would be good for something other then money).
Crossed & Crossed: Family Values
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| Is there something on my face? |
Should be really be known as "Rape Shower" cause that's what you need. Ugh. Crossed is about a strange virus that makes people kill, rape, mutilate and cannibalize each other while a rash that looks like a cross appears across the infected faces. The story is about the people who are not infected. Ennis started the series with a short run and David Lapham continues the wretched tale by trying to out do Ennis by being more graphic and more disturbing on Crossed: Family Values. Honestly I think he was trying to say the monsters inside are worse then the monsters outside but there's that other series WALKING DEAD by Kirkman that's far superior and better to read with at least 45 to 50 % less rape showery feeling about it. Hell at least the zombies don't try to rape you, just eat you if that's not disturbing enough. Avoid at all costs like the plague or Al Pacino overacting. Anyway...
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| About as disturbing as this image |
Overall 0/5
Speaking ol Robby Kirkman and the upcoming Walking Dead TV series, here's an earlier work along the same vein of fucked up comics but this time with happier images!
Irrideemable Ant-Man
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| Dear Diary....JACKPOT! |
Ever wonder what it'd be like if Spencer Pratt had a super hero high tech suit? You get the new Ant-Man. The series only lasted like twelve issues but what a twelve issues! Here you even get a touch of espianoge involving SHIELD and the Avengers (the mighty kind...not the new) during events like World War Hulk and Civil War. So introduce yourself to Eric O'Grady, the type of hero that is a giant perv that watches you girls in the shower room and then sleeps with his dead best friends girl, getting her pregnant, while he got his best friend killed and burnt half of his face off. All the while selling out as many people as he can but helping a couple of people along the way. It's really pretty refreshing to see the new angle on the hero and kinda reminds me of Firestorm if Firestorm was a dick. Plus the art from Hester is oddly delightful and effective just like it was in Green Arrow and the new Ant-Man suit design is actually pretty bad ass and much better compared to the former Ant-Man (men?) suits.
Deadpool Classics 1-3
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| It's just that.... |
Finally the Merc with the mouth's early adventures and origins by THE Deadpool writer Joe Kelly (also Fabian Niceza). Fuck the current run, this is what Wade Wilson is all about and has the best jokes and one liners and off the wall comments one could ask for. Volume 1 has the early apperances and the Circle Chase and some other story I can't remember now and ends with the start of the Joe Kelly run. 2 and 3 really pick up with the Joe Kelly run with even wackier and darkly human adventures of Wade Wilson and even has the ever classic Deadpool #11 which is a rip off of an old Spider-Man comic with hilarious results. Again why does Liefeld get so much credit for DP when it was Fabian who really made the chracter and Kelly who defined him. Can Rob "Nilli Vanilli" Liefeld just sit on the sidelines on this one and learn to draw chracters properly? Guys worse then Jack from Will & Grace when it comes to fame.
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| ...AWESOME!!! |
Overall 5/5
Avengers Prime #2
OOOOKKKKAAAYYYY....wanna do acid and see an Avengers story with Cap, Iron Man and Thor? AVP is up your alley. Not Alvin and the Chipmunks vs. Predator but Avengers Prime. So it takes place after Siege where those 3 get tossed into a weird Asgardian world with trolls and medieval crap and Norse gods that really make it all fairly interesting a read. Bendis is still in good form on this one but did it really need to take two months to come out?!? I mean Heroic Age (whatever the hell it is, personal I think it's a ani-persperant) is in full swing and we're getting a old school type story relating to Siege still? Come on!!! Apparently Marvel not only overuses it's chracters but it's writers as well. But it's still a fun read and the art from Davis is still top notch and matches with the Bendis's writing. Again with the 70's feel even with the whole Iron Man MK whatever armor on. Cool to see that....like one of my dad's polyesther suits with the bandanna pattern on it.
Overall 3/5
X-Force: Sex and Violence #3
One of the rare X-titles still in good shape. This one looks at the relationship between Domino and Wolverine in a bloody all out battle. Again with the great artwork and fun over the top violence of it all. Plus you gotta love the title. Say it with me now: Sex and Violence. Sex and Violence. Rolls off the tongue like a skittle you can't keep in your mouth. Plus you find out that Domino knows who the Rulk is (Red Hulk for you not in the know) which is why there is a hit on her and that you also find the why she's called Domino and not Dalmation Girl. The art from Gabriel Dell'Otto (another fun thing to say outloud ten times fast) is phnominal and pretty dark and gritty while the writing is tight. It's a short but sweet series but it's damn cool. Plus it has Razorfist in it!! FTW! But don't worry, they get rid of his ass.
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| Only 500 calories per bottle |
Overall 4/5
Bone
Overall 5/5
Deadpool/Thunderbolts
Deadpool/Bullseye |
| Why can't we be friends? |
Ok ok ok. I caved and got a Way/Diggle story about Deadpool. Not as great as Kelly's run but the amount of violence, blood, guts and gunfights mixed with a couple of funny moments make the cheap, cheap price ok. Story? Deadpool got screwed by Norman Osborn so he declares war on him. So Norman sicks his own personal hit squad against him in an effort to elimainte him....with hilarious results. As cheesy as some of the crap in this story is, it's great to watch some real violence taking place in the vein of Mr. and Mrs. Smith. So it's a fun read definetly but again, don't take it too seriously. Medina's artwork with DP is great but Bong Dazo's (yup...that's his name. Give you two guesses what his parents were on when the had him) artwork is pretty bad. Everyone is overthetop and lumpy and awkward. Doesn't anyone follow anatomy in art classes anymore? Does anyone follow the rules of human physics either? What fucking bizzaro world am I in? No bones dimension X where calcium doens't exist and ligaments can bend any which way. Dazo's art looks terribly cartoony and makes Deadpool look like suger apples or that weird gonnorhea lookin squash I saw at Trader Joes, whenever Wade has his mask off or a body part exposed. Ewww is all I gotta say. Art work is damn disgusting. But luckily Paco Medina does all the artwork for the Bullseye and Tigershark fights which make the violence look more fun. If that's even possible.
Overall 3/5
I Kill Giants
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| Hotta! Hotta! Hotta then Fishgrease!! |
Again, Joe Kelly= Genius. This sad little ditty about a little girl coming to terms with her moms cancer is fantastic. The black and white artwork is very mangaish so you manga maniacs can appreciate this one. No super hero spandex type crap in this one however it's real world and real good like Rita G's boobs (tip to Howard Stern fans). I do have to warn you that it is very emotional so if you like Pan's Labryinth or Japanese Manga artwork and/or realworld type stories in your comics, this ones up your alley.
Overall 5/5
The Killer
Haven't read the entire series but it is really engaging. The story is about a contract killer in an emo mid life crisis where he's about to reach a boiling point in his career. Think Death of a Sales men with lots of guns, sex, tits, violence and Bruce Timm-ish artwork. Plus the character is an everyman with glasses on cause glasses makes you unthreatening. So light em if you got em, break out the whiskey and let's get dangerous!!Overall 4/5
Superman/Batman: Supergirl
Superman/Batman: Absolute Power
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| "Geez us Clark! You scared my pet bats!" |
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| "I wish I knew how to quit you" |
Oh Jeph Loeb, how you were good before Ultimatum and Heroes with all your extremem talk exposition. Also it features one of the last hurrahs of the late and great Michael Turner. Never have big eyed, heavy chested women looked so good with athletic bodies and thong straps and inapproriate outfits gallore! Also you get ALL the square jawed action you can stand. With the Supergirl story line, you get a new telling of the Supergirl origin in fantastic artwork in the mediocore story. Although not terrible, it's just plain fun to listen to bats and supes drone on in their first person narratives while masking their homosexual feelings for each other.
In the Absolute Power run, we get another wacky alternate time traveling history crap that over filters our senses in comics. What if some bad guys got a hold of Batman and Superman during their childhood and raised them? Then had them take over the world? Then they had to fix this FUBAR situation by jumping into MORE alternate timelines with everyone trying to (and sometimes suceeding) kill them. I love the alternate reality stuff just to watch random minor chracter pop up. Turner doens't do that art in this one mainly because well...he died of bone cancer (RIP Mike).
Overall 3/5
X-Men Forever
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| "Hey hey lets go!" |
Overall 4/5
So till next time, take care and don't buy such shitty titles. Also click on some ads pwease so I can eventually buy this thing...
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| Chicks dig it |
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