Kids today have it easy!! I mean video games back then were hard as two day old shit. We didn’t have cell phones or text messaging. Myspace was actually the space you had to yourself, which wasn’t that much and facebook was when we either had our face shoved into a book by a bully or shoved some nerds face into a book and laughed uncontrollably. And that crush we all had, they were just a blurry blob in our minds eyes or a smiling face in a yearbook picture. The internet was just starting up so it took eight hours to download porn and most of the time we had to make due with the fucking Talbots catalog from our moms closet or the Sears catalog. You were a hell ass king if you had a porno or even a Playboy. We had to imagine what a labia was!! Now the kids can fucking just pull up a pic of Miley Cyrus’s crotch on their IPhone and make a photoshop manip with her and the head cheerleader and star quarterback with pics from their facebook pages, where they just needed to flash half nekkid pics of themselves for attention.
It’s made children weak I say! Weak! This blasphemy of technology is enough to turn an entire generation into cannon fodder.
So growing up in the nineties wasn’t easy since my generation had to be the transition period into which this ease of technological access had to occur. Porn was a vast underground trade which died off unless you were a cool kid or a jock. However us comic bookers had something different, the Marvel swimsuit specials which was a geeks fantastic dream and to some, still is (don’t you damn judge me. Whatever my ex’s tell you are lies!!!) So once a year all of us were prevy and waiting to the comic book swimsuit specials. It was close to porno as we can get plus it made it easy to smuggle into the house amid innocent comics of big breasted women in skin tight outfits. Now in my nostalgic sense of comics, I went back in time to re tread some of the images. These were also pretty cool like those old issues of the Avengers or Spider-Man where they actually had lives outside of being a hero. For some reason that was one of the coolest things to me to see heroes dressed in clothes and just having fun and relaxing. I just liked that other side of things. It's kinda like seeing the personal lives of wrestlers. But of course it was also always about the women dressed up too. Now onto the images!!!
This is kinda cute. I mean you got the West Coast Avengers in a tug of war against the regular Avengers. This is kinda cute except for the ridiculousity of the match up. Is it really fair you have a norse god, an Olympian god, a gamma radiated green bitch and a super soldier all take you on in a tug of war? And the wicked banana hammock Cap’s got on also leaves a bit to be desired. Also that’s some dedication to the secret identities when you’re wearing them with just swimsuits. What is this? Exit to Eden? Still it’s not as disturbing as seeing Rosie O’Donnell in a leather outfit. And the image of Iron Man in full Mark IV armor with swim trunks makes this all the worthwhile.
Apparently Thor’s OTHER alter ego in his spare time is Big Poppa Pump (Scott Steiner)
and his Asgardian ability to take large amounts of steroids and fat burner specifically made for animals. Also to have more veins then the human body can possibly have due to his irregularly large heart from all the drugs. Plus this is the worst life guard I have ever seen. Wouldn’t it be more helpful to have that red buoy thingy that life guards have instead of a fucking HAMMER!? Is he going to bash baby seals on the side as he rescues me? And I don’t remember Sif being so damn….buff…geez.
Now this is actually pretty hot. Psylocke has always been a sexy character, mainly due to being a twinkie because she’s a white chick who had her mind transferred to the body of an asian chick but also because she fights dressed in stripper gear normally. But this is a whole new level since it actually emulates a swimsuit issue with the whole James Bond Honey Ryder thing.
Well Tony Stark gets the bitches…and the steroids…and he banana hammock. Money talks.
Run Val Cooper! Why does Madrox look so menacing here? Something bad’s gonna happen and somebody’s gonna get a hurting…and a gangbang. Madrox’s other mutant ability has come forth in his power to change his facial features to Asian so he can avoid recognition in the police line up that’s to come. All this and more on the next issue of Law and Order: SVU (Superpowered Victims Unit)
Is it me or would inviting Iceman to a tropical island paradise seem like a buzz kill?
No one loves Dr. Strange except for the mystic portable sun he conjured up which is in the process of molesting him. Plus the look on his face shows how little he cares since no one else invited him to their vacation
Ahh love. It’s nice to see these two in love and it’s a nice scene other then the fact that Cyclops’s arms are now 22 inch pythons of love. Where did he get those? He’s more like Fabio Summers.
Wow. Death is coming right now. I don’t think making fun of a futuristic, battle hardened soldier with psychic powers and two big ass guns is a good thing. Plus he wanted TIGER PRINT! NOT LEOPARD!!! GET IT RIGHT!!!
I remember Garth Ennis’s description of why the Punisher wears the skull insignia. It’s so that criminals freak out and shoot the skull which is on his body armor instead of his face or hands. I don’t think this strategy will work so well in this case. And WHERE THE HELL IS HE!!??
Who wears shorts shorts? (Deep Voice) CAGE WEARS SHORTS SHORTS!!
There's so much to say....yet there's a limit on words in the English language.
You know, I really have to question Captain America’s sexuality after this. He’s a guy that used to hang around with a teenaged sidekick (look how well he turned out) and lived most of his life around other men (Army, Avengers, SHIELD) and is always in ridonkulous shape. Plus his choice of swimsuits has to make me question certain things. I mean it’s something out of fucking Lolita (the one on the beach towel) and all that’s missing is a red lollipop and Cap reading a copy of the NAMBLA charter or the agenda of the rainbow alliance. (Not that there’s anything wrong with that sort of thing). Plus I love the one in Africa where he’s cooling off after a round at American Gladiators.
Wouldn’t Colossus rust if he got in water? Is it really necessary for him to wear cut off Daisy Dukes with NO bikini on top? Guess he's that much of a pimp
Apparently this is the Ultimate version of Colossus (Ultimate Version is gay. Really! Go wiki it) Just for shit and giggles, here is Daniel Cudmore from the X-Men movie, apparently driving an imaginary car.
"UAAAHHH!!!!! BUAHHHHH!!!!! SCREECCCHHH!!!!”
Hey Boom Boom. I know what I want to do to you with your namesake…heh….make sweet respectful love. Also they changed up Cables cybernetic parts. I thought it was on the right side in the earlier picture. But back to Boom Boom.
Enchantress….ain’t nothing wrong with that. Except the Wonder Woman armlets. And she had to be a goddess in order to get into that swimsuit with all the straps. But damn you can see dat ass from the front
Peepin it real with the Parkers. Looks like a radioactive spider bite is the equivalent of chugging 20 gallon of protein powder and then you’d figure someone would notice that skinny Peter Parker changed since he went from a skinny dork to a poster boy for HGH. Peter also knows how to party on vacation since he’s reading about spiders. Isn’t that kind of redundant? As for MJ….how you doin? Also look at her damn chest. She’s gotta have back problems but I got the solution for that…..oh yea……It’s my chiropractor. She’s great. And love the shredded swimsuit and that she'sto be devoured by the fucking Komodo dragon behind her. Danger is HOT!
Piss on you! Drip drip drip! Golden showers seems to be another theme on this blog and I did not find this image with that intention. Whoa geez. I mean it looks like the R. Kelly memorial waterfall on some alien planet where he died trying to put out a fire in an alien town. Black Panther!? More like yellow tiger. Ok. I admit that was lame. Only one thing can save that joke. Pee!! Pee!! Give you some of that wee wee…Also…he might want to look out for that giant water dragon behind him.
Hulk is pretty!! Hulk is pretty! Hulk is pretty!! So pretty!! And GAAYY!!!
You know this really has a nice variety in the swimsuits. And the swimsuits actually matches the personality of the girls with the Asian being the most sultry and sluttiest. Woot!!
Now it’s just me, but I think using your superpower to turn your body to fire is a bad then when water is involved. Unless you want to turn it into a steam bath. But that’s not the most disturbing element of this pic. No. Not Human Torch lifting The Thing while setting his head on fire but more like the jizz stain on his swim trunks that he’s not aware of, that’s in shape of a four. Apparently it takes EVERY amount of muscle exerted to life him up.
At first I thought Rogue was going to punch out Gambit but they’re just reenacting that scene from Ghostbusters with the ghost blowjob. And are banana hammocks the thing to wear back in the 90’s?
This is kinda scary actually. Did he really need to bust out the symbiote? Did he? Venom’s way of impressing chicks is up there with Jeffery Dahmer’s way of impressing chicks…by eating them.
You know the first pic of She Hulk is hot. I’d hit that like a man except for the fact that she slept with Tony Stark first. Lord knows what else turned green after that. Apparently the dinosaur is checking for me.
This is a classic super model pose. Elegant. Sexy. Hot. It almost makes me forget that she’s resting on Colossus metal cock. Seriously. What the hell is she resting on? And is it really necessary to have the guys flexing in background?
Val Cooper=Hotness. Gotta love the trench coat and that pose. But not a big fan of the tentacles in the background. Man. Marvel really likes to foreshadow what’s going to happen with Val….eating that calamari. You thought tentacle rape didn’t you? Pervs. She's a government liason!! Respect the position. Not that positin!!
The theme of this pic is alienate Rogue as much as you can.
But not in this one. I feel like it’s a Juicy fruit or cigarette ad for mutants.
I don’t know what’s more disturbing. The fact that someone actually went through the effort to photo shop this or that Wolverine and Archangel are unabashedly and shamelessly naked. Why not Psylocke? Why not any of the women? And who is the bitch in the green? Is that Rogue? That's a terible Rogue
Storm…don’t fake being surprised at the rain. But it’s still hot.
I don’t know why Thor is climbing a mountain on the moon when he can fly….and jump higher in the weak gravity of the moon but I’ll run with it. MY ANACONDA DON’T WANT NONE..."
“…UNLESS YOU GOT BUNS HON!!” I have no clue how she smuggled that gun and clip through her swimsuit. Rawr though. She’s like the original hot Russian spy instead of the new ones in the news.
I have no idea if he’s sitting or he’s floating. Plus I doubt anyone’s going to wanna eat burnt ass hot dogs. Thanks Johnny! (Jerk!)
………………………………………………………………………………………That’s all I got’s to say about that.
Magneto's daughter. Lorelei. Something about a daughter of a powerful man being sexy is a turn on. Again....danger
Only Batgirl DC Swimsuit pic I could find. A fan pic I'm assuming because there are no DC Swimsuit issues. Apparenlty DC's chracter integriy and dedication to excellent story telling outrumps teenaged boys rising libidos.
This is the happiest I've seen Wolverine.
Northstar turned out to be gay in the comics. He hid it well until he came out...
And these aren't even all the pics. Marvel had a couple of these swim suit issues. But not anymore these days and for good reason as one can see. Cause you'd figure they'd just do the ladies but no...lots of dudes. So Marvel was a bit ahead of their time. Will they bring it back? In a way they have....
...good night
