Food. Food. FUD. Now I wanted something to eat during class when we were watching a movie which was called Tortilla Soup. Of course with a title like that I got hungry and for good reason. Luckily I had a bit of cookie with me to tide me over and that’s when it hit me, if zombies are dead, why do they need to eat people? They’re dead. Their stomachs don’t work. If I blew out a zombies stomach, they’d still want to try to gnaw on me for no good reason. And would zombies even have working teeth? Teeth would kinda fall out since they’re dead.
At this point I used my ability to split my attention between the movie and this important question. So I broke down the fact:
1) Zombies are dead. If zombies are dead, they don’t need to eat. They’re made to be eaten by organisms such as fungi and bacteria. And they don’t need energy cause they’re dead. I can blow out their stomachs with a shot gun and they’d still try to eat me. I mean fucking corpses don’t need to eat. I mean even the rage zombies from Dawn of the Dead and 28 days later are fast as fuck and run around liked crazed monkeys and that would require lots of energy but then the zombies would starve cause (sing it like the Ludacris song) TOO MANY ZOMBIES! NOT ENOUGH FOOD!
Let’s also look at other corpses:
Frankenstein: With zombie logic he should be wanting to fucking eat everyone instead groaning and walking around stiffly and playing with flowers. I mean he’s fucking made of corpses (corpses of Denver Nuggets, a Simpson’s reference) and he doesn’t want to eat anything. And on top of being made of corpses he’s got a fucked up brain in his head and he doesn’t want to eat shit! Zombie logic is flawed here
The Mummy: Another walking corpse and what does his instinct tell him? Strangle bitches. That’s it. Zombie logic fails again here. He's even got the bandages to clean himself up after eating people and even going to the bathroom after a hearty meal of people but he doens't want to eat people. He's not even fast.
Vampires: What are they called? The walking dead and that sounds like zombies. Walking dead. And on top of that they have shit loads of powers like the power to convince people that being seduced and killed by having your blood drained from you is sexy. Thanks Anne Rice. Why women love vampires I will never understand. To me, vampire Angelina Jolie would look sexy but I would remember that vampire Angelina Jolie would still result in one thing, my death.
Jesus: He came back from the dead. And on top of that he doesn’t want to do anything except make more fishes and bread for people. He wants to feed them not eat them, unless he wants to fatten them up first. But does the bible ever mention of eating folks? No. Zombie logic fails again
So the logic of zombies wanting to eat people doesn’t make a lick of sense. Virus’s or voodoo, zombies just shouldn’t want to eat folks.
At this point I used my ability to split my attention between the movie and this important question. So I broke down the fact:
1) Zombies are dead. If zombies are dead, they don’t need to eat. They’re made to be eaten by organisms such as fungi and bacteria. And they don’t need energy cause they’re dead. I can blow out their stomachs with a shot gun and they’d still try to eat me. I mean fucking corpses don’t need to eat. I mean even the rage zombies from Dawn of the Dead and 28 days later are fast as fuck and run around liked crazed monkeys and that would require lots of energy but then the zombies would starve cause (sing it like the Ludacris song) TOO MANY ZOMBIES! NOT ENOUGH FOOD!
Let’s also look at other corpses:
Frankenstein: With zombie logic he should be wanting to fucking eat everyone instead groaning and walking around stiffly and playing with flowers. I mean he’s fucking made of corpses (corpses of Denver Nuggets, a Simpson’s reference) and he doesn’t want to eat anything. And on top of being made of corpses he’s got a fucked up brain in his head and he doesn’t want to eat shit! Zombie logic is flawed here
The Mummy: Another walking corpse and what does his instinct tell him? Strangle bitches. That’s it. Zombie logic fails again here. He's even got the bandages to clean himself up after eating people and even going to the bathroom after a hearty meal of people but he doens't want to eat people. He's not even fast.
Vampires: What are they called? The walking dead and that sounds like zombies. Walking dead. And on top of that they have shit loads of powers like the power to convince people that being seduced and killed by having your blood drained from you is sexy. Thanks Anne Rice. Why women love vampires I will never understand. To me, vampire Angelina Jolie would look sexy but I would remember that vampire Angelina Jolie would still result in one thing, my death.
Jesus: He came back from the dead. And on top of that he doesn’t want to do anything except make more fishes and bread for people. He wants to feed them not eat them, unless he wants to fatten them up first. But does the bible ever mention of eating folks? No. Zombie logic fails again
So the logic of zombies wanting to eat people doesn’t make a lick of sense. Virus’s or voodoo, zombies just shouldn’t want to eat folks.
Take that, Washington!
ReplyDeleteEat lead, Einstein!
Show's over, Shakespeare!
Your logic seems air tight, sir. Especially the Jesus zombie logic. Bless that man.