Profiles in Villany: Razorfist

In the history of comics, they always have a couple of heroes and villains that are in the rankings of A, B, and so on. However then it begins to fall down to the D’s. Like what the fuck category characters and so bizarre and retarded they are that one has to question the sanity of the creator and wonder what kind of drugs were given to him to conjure up a mental inbred imagination which spawned lame and awkwardly weird characters.
As a part of the D-listers, I gave you from the peanut gallery, Razorfist.

DX!!!  I GOT TWO WORDS FOR YOU!!!

Ta da! Yes. His name is that literal. He has razors for fists. I personally would’ve gone for gimpy boy because the mask gives it that extra touch of creepy BDSM that haunts people in the night and the nether regions of internet porn. And how original is razorfist? The guy who names Mega Man villains probably came up with this guy.

Other names they had:



Cut Man

Box Cutter

Ginsu Kid

Knife hand Strong

Captain Vasectomy

Help I’ve cut myself

Ah!  My penis!!

Seriously? Razorfist? I mean sure he’s a bad ass in the comics and is a top level martial artist and blah blah blah but come on, he can’t even drive a car!! He can’t even feed himself necessarily!! While were at it, how the hell does he put those fakata things on? In the name of Robin Thicke, it can’t be that hard to beat this guy. Hell, all you have to do is trip him. It’ll take him a bit longer to get up but during that time I’m sure you’ll be able to get away. He does he even dress himself or get his mask on? I can imagine it’s a lot of hitting himself with his stumps and fumbling with sticky adhesives and then cursing and crying. How about this for a strategy: Get a gun! It’s not he’s that fast. I mean this is a villain Aquaman can beat just by tossing him in the water. THE WATER!



More fearsome then Razorfist



I mean honestly his highlight was in the godawful one shot Siege: Captain America where he battled not one but TWO Caps, Bucky and Old Man Rogers. The worst part of it was that Razorfist was actually beating them. Two super soldiers, one with a shield and genetically altered body. One with a gun and a bionic arm and he’s kicking their ass for most of the book. These are the hands that are keeping America safe? They can’t beat a handicapped dude with knives. Actually that does sound kinda dangerous but I digress. It’s FUCKING RAZORFIST!!! You had an entire army of villains and you chose gimpy mcgee to go up against the Captains. I think he may have been powered up but fucking A. It’s still Razorfist. The equivalent to Jonny Fairplay or Spencer Pratt or that bum who slaps himself on the corner of my street.

Son of Razorfist

Look I get that he was supposed to be a guy for Shang Chi to fight and has this whole mystic east oriental clashing with the west cheesy 80’s movie type feel but it’d be more intimidating with a fucking hook or axe or an axe with hooks in the blade. It’d be even better if he lost the mask because why bother hiding your identity when I can just look for the guy with NO FUCKING HANDS!!! And that must be one hell of some balls of silly putty to keep those things on his arms.

So profile in whatthefuckedness complete. Here you have Razorfist. The most feared man who has to have his assistant open his fly and pull out his wang in order to piss.