Zex



On the topic of zombies, since zombies were people do they have sex?  I mean all monster have sex.  That's how they have unholy abominations hanging in the pitter patter of their claw toed feet.  Vampires have sex.  Mummies.  Frankenstein even had a bride.  Plus don't forget werewolves and the creature from the black lagoon is always trying to steal women.  Everything needs something to love it or at least needs a good shag and release (heh...shag and release.  Got my next porno movie title).  Even the guys from 3Oh!3 need love too in their douche like skinny bodied ways.  Zombies can't be any different but zombie sex has to be hard since live dating and mating is hard but undead has got to be downright harder.  But not as hard for the guys of 3Oh!3 since they are successful musicians, yet they will always remain distant since they cant' trust a hoe. 



Talk about crotch rot



Getting alittle head

So why not zombies?  I mean people are horny enough alive, imagine dead when you don't have to worry bout kids or pregnancy.  However you gotta wonder about SZTD (Sexual Zombified Transmitted Diseases).  Nothing worse then the clap (which is when your genitals fall off and clap on the ground) for a zombie cause then you just gotta carry around your organs in your back pocket, literally.  Another zex life killer is explosiveitis where if a male zombie goes too long without a release, his nuts get so big that they explode, ssometimes spontaneously from the massive amount of zemen being stored in the zombie body.  Worst of all zombie masturbation can be a killer too since if a zombie is too far gone, he can literally rip it off if not careful.  The hazards also are from other zombies since zoral zex can be very deadly for obvious reasons.  No one wants a hysterectomy.  There's another image here I can give you but I won't let you know since I want all four of my readers to come back.  The biggest threat to the zombie love life is gonnapeses, a deadly combination of herpes, gonorrhea and a form of venereal disease found only in the rare and extinct skunk rabbit.  Maggots are also a bad thing too for obvious reasons but can be easily remidied wih some mild soap and regular cleanings. 



Worst...blowjob....ever





That's right baby.  Massage my brain.



However a zombie love life can be one of the most satisfying and enrichful things in the world.  You have the mutual goal of devouring living things which is the flip of reason 3 of my previous blog.  Plus if you find one you love, you can almost literally be with her forever with forever being around a month before your body rots.  And with exposed muscles and nerve endings, there's no end to the pleasure that can be brought by a gentle massage.  And if you really want to get kinky, you can even try to nom on each other, but ask for permission first before you do so because depending on what gets nomed off can be a moment killer.  Exposed nerve endings also take little stimulation if you're still alive enough to feel things and really make that climax and foreplay something to write home about.  Zombie love between an existing couple is great as well.  It gives the couple who was once alive to share in the joy of being dead and gettin it on.  Dying is quite intense and turing into a zombie isn't a trip to Disneyland unless Disneyland is filled with drugs and suger (which I'm kinda thinking it is due to the prices and that people still pay for crap)  Don't forget the erotic thrill of sharing the same casket now other wise known as the Mile Die Club.  Zombie love lives also can be short lived through due to the hazard of human survivors and rotting bodies as well as random animals and other hazards but that can make the unholy act of zombie intercourse deeply intimate and hot.  Who doesn't like the spice of danger and excitement? 

And one of the best parts about zombie love is that you can literally create another lover.  That cute girl from across the way is now next on the hit list.  Oohhhh yea.  One bite and an hour later it's time to get funky with new zussy (zombie pussy).  And for the ladies it's the same thing too so really, you can never be lonely cause you'll have other zombies around you AND the choice of lovers.  But be careful and wrap it up because zombie Aids is no joke either.  Another thing to avoid as a zombie, zombie orgies.  All those body parts falling off and flying about.  No telling who's you're fucking or who's fucking you.  Or even if that's even your sex organ you're using.