So if you know, I just got a new laptop from my mom. An early birthday present along with a new set of wireless speakers. Now it’s an awesomely amazing gift but you don’t understandhow BIG a change this is for me. I feel like an Iraqi who just got liberated except I’m don’t have to worry about being shot! How big a change is this an event? Well I was using the finest business oriented laptop computing technology that 2001 can offer. Look at my old laptop (which I still love and still have and use)
CPU TYPE Intel Pentium III 750 mHz w/ Speedstep
MEMORY INSTALLED 256MB (Maximum 512MB)
HARD DRIVE 20GB
DISPLAY 14.1" TFT Bright Active Matrix
24XCD Drive
FLOPPY 1.44MB 3.5"
56K V.90 Modem
NETWORK 10/100 LAN
2X AGP ATI Mobility M3 Video Accelerator w/ 8MB
PRINTER PORT (1)
IEEE 1284 Compliant – connect to printers, scanners, MP3 players
UNIVERSAL SERIAL BUS (USB) (1) USB – connect to digital cameras, printers,
scanners, INFRARED PORT (1) IR – convenient for wireless printing
SERIAL PORT (1) 9 pin – sync up with Palm pilots
PS2 MOUSE PORT (1) – hook up an external mouse
PCMCIA SLOTS (2) Type I, Type II, or 32-bit cardbus
AUDIO CHIPSET ESS Maestro 3I Sound System
SPEAKERS Internal stereo speakers
AUDIO INPUTS/OUTPUTS Stereo Line In, Out, Headphone
EXTERNAL VIDEO PORT (1) SVGA – connect to any desktop monitor or projector
S-Video Out (Connect to TVs or VCR’s for presentations)
Docking Port
AC ADAPTER
BATTERY (1) Lithium Battery
OPERATING SYSTEM-Comes with Windows 2000 Professional installed.
WEIGHT / HEIGHT 5.7 lbs / 1.5"
Yes. The finest technology that 2001 can offer. Now you gotta understand I got it for free in 2006 and basically I don’t really use it other then youtubing, internet, lots of writing and ungodly amounts of porn. Now I’m grateful for my laptop. I really am. Folks don’t have laptops and some don’t even have computers. And good ol lappy has served me well. Ahhh…memories of working late nights typing papers, watching DVD’s, surfing the net, watching youtube clips, webcam chating and yes…porn. However webcam chatting was done with an external camera and the internet needed a internet card. But hey, the most important thing of that was my porn and papers of course. But good ol lappy did run on Windows XP, again grateful but man does it ever suck when you hear about Windows 7 and Windows…well not Vista cause that thing sucked harder then your mom. Yea. Your mom.
But lappy wasn’t without it’s flaws. Take for instance the mouse pad. The touch pad works….for awhile and then it gets angry and starts to go where it wants to go instead of where you want it to go. If he doesn’t want to click on the page or close a program or scroll down, then he would have to argue with me because he knows that I can’t use any other laptop then him. That’s when I’d have to plug it into the one USB port in the back. Again I’m happy with having a laptop but it was slightly annoying when I had to use the USB port for something else and the touch mouse wasn’t happy with that. It was like being schizophrenic or married, which I think leads to majority of mental illnesses. And my computer on occasion was no exception. And then my track ball in the middle of the screen became my mistress, which brings sanity back. But ahhh…like the crafitness of a woman, the buttons would not work when I wanted it to. So clicking became a problem.
Why? Because it wasn’t only the mouse but also the processing. Understand HD translated to my computer as : “Huh?” Don’t” I couldn’t play a damn youtube clip if it was even a 480P which meant there were 480 reasons to my computer that it would not play. It was mainly due to my 512 MB of RAM. No see I never kept up with technology as much since all I knew was that my computer wasn’t so shiny compared to the new ones. I never even knew RAM went so high lately. Flash websites with big shinny cool things would mock and besmirch me in manners where it would take forever to load and only load into a choppy and slow curse of lag.
HTML was a bane of my existence. I didn’t really care that much but it made it annoying at times, even when I had to download simple programs. It was like being served at a restaurant by the corpse of Elizabeth Taylor. Yea, I know she’s not dead but you can surprise me. But the DVD player on it worked amazingly well and played movies and with a simple download of VLC player made it able to play MP4 videos. Besides all I really need it for was youtube to watch random crap and internet to type, find porn, write, facebook and write porn. At times I was hellishly surprised it would be able to use video chat or even Skype calling. At some point I thought my computer would pop up and try to just beg me to kill him or retire but no dice lappy. Only way you stop working is one of us dying and I’m in better health then you. Speaking of which, the sound of the fan was like the sound of a whispering of demon. And don’t even think about memory card slot. I don’t think it was even invented back then which of course led back to the issue of USB/mouse battle. More like battery death. The thing would say it had 2 hours of power but apparently hour means minutes to the laptop because that battery would die. The damn laptop looked like it was on life support since it had the plug, the mouse in the USB port, the speakers pluged into the headphone jack, the cooling mat fan which no longer cooled but still functioned in providing space for the loud fan to blow hot air which created a slight screaming sound as if it was struggling to live. But yet I still loved it. It was heavy as a brick and was a pain in the ass to lug around but it was mine and it worked. Even though I couldn’t really take it out anywhere far because the plug was a life line. And the internet card would not be able to automatically networks but damn it…it was mine.
NOW…..onto the my new baby. My beautiful new baby. I swear it’s like going from a 2001 Civic to a 2010 Ferrari. Holy God. This thing is just damn sexy looking and ya…it’s ripping Mac’s design a bit since it’s all shiny and futuristic. I now know what it’s like to go from an average chick to Megan Gale. And this things is faaaassssttt…
Processor Intel Core 2 Duo T6600
Processor clock speed 2.2GHz
Memory 3.00GB
Memory slots 2
Memory slots free 0
Maximum memory 4GB
Size 36x380x256mm
Weight 2.4kg
Sound Realtek HD Audio
Pointing device touchpad
Display
Viewable size 15.6 in
Native resolution 1,366x768
Graphics Processor Intel GMA 4500M
Graphics/video ports VGA, HDMI
Graphics Memory 32MB
Storage
Total storage capacity 320GB
Optical drive model Lite-On DVD A DS84AS
Optical drive type DVD+/-RW +/-DL
Ports and Expansion
USB ports 3
Bluetooth
Wired network ports 1x 10/100
Wireless networking support 802.11n
PC Card slots none
Modem
Supported memory cards SD, SDHC, MMC
Other ports none
Miscellaneous
Carrying case
Operating system Windows 7 Home Premium 32-bit
Operating system restore option Recovery Partition, burn own discs
Software included Microsoft Works 9
Optional extras none
Like orgasmically fast. I swear this thing should come with an ashtray since I always leave satisfied and have a need for cigarettes afterwards. And Windows 7….muah! You can do sooooo…much….agggghhhh…….
(Paramedics had to revive me from electric insulin shock)
So….yea….you can personalize the desktop themes, change colors, record TV, cool gadgets to show you crap, fast speed, and…and…it’s a Mac but a PC. Dream come true. And it has all those options and…shit, I don’t know even half of the options yet on it. Plus the battery power actually is really lasting to what it’s supposed to. 4 hours. I can unplug it and it’s ok. It’ll last!
HD? HA! DAH! (Ok…lets see you come up with a better acronym) It’s got no problems. The resolution is just amazing. I feel like I beat John Grisham in a short story contest. Plus the Samsung is so lit up. There is a light on the mousepad that makes me feel like I’m in Tron or some really technological movie. And it’s widescreen, easy peasy on finding internet networks, Microsoft office, the newest version and a built in webcam with a already loaded programs. Another cool feature is that it’s got Korean language support so everyone with Asian writing, I can now see it. I can’t read it but I can see it. I am Neo! I can see the Matrix. And this is a budget laptop from Samsung. Hell…I’m happy still. And it’s got 3….3 USB PORTS!! HA! HA! HA! (laughing like The Count from Sesame Street) and HDMI. HDMI! I really have not much of a use for it but it’s cool as hell still. The speakers are amazing and actually pretty loud. I can hear it! I can dodge bullets! I am THE ONE! FUCK YOU AGENT SMITH!
Plus it has a card reader. A fucking flash card reader! No lag on websites, everything loads quickly and it’s so easy to use with Windows 7. The best part, I can use more then one program at a time at the same time! No more Sophies choice in choosing between porn and writing. I mean everything is amazing. I feel like Cinderella. Ok…let’s…ignore that I said that…
Plus it’s lightweight. LIGHTWEIGHT!! I can carry it around actually and it’s healthy. No life support! DVD video as well and DVD burning that’s fast as shit. (Yea yea…shut up but this is all new to me) And talk about quiet. It barely makes any sound when cooling and it’s barely that hot. Sure it gets warm but it’s not too hard to cool down at all and it has Intel graphics accelerator. I think that’s good. Hell of course it’s good. When I played I Wanna Be the Guy (review coming) it was so crystal clear. I can even push it to full screen on HD! I can use other media players that don’t lag either. Other players besides youtube. The possibilities for porn are endless….of course HD can look kinda frightening.
Apple Trailers? Yes! HD? Yes! Porn? Yes! (Well…that was always a yes) However now I roll among the rest of the world in technology. I no longer really have to worry about space since I don’t really take up much space. So SWEET SASSY MOLASSEY!! I approve of this new product to fill that empty hole in my life.
THANKS MOM!!!
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