Right now somewhere a man is curing cancer. Right now another man is making a difference by feeding the homeless. And right now a guy like me is dressing up in tight leotard and flexing in front of mirror with toy weapons to obnoxious music, acting more bad ass then I really am. It’s Cosplay time. No not COSBY play. I mean I did play Rudy Huxtable in my school play and that one time for money at my old neighbors house but that for money. I'm talkin bout Cos-play. The time honored tradition to dress up as your favorite chracter from comics and media so that you can escape your crappy life.
So Cos-play is cool now. It’s not a bunch of man/nerd boys in cheaply made outfits they blew their money on
But this:
RANDOM HOT RIKKU!!! WAHHHH!!!
Now it’s a bunch of man/nerd boys in cheaply made outfits they blew their money on amongst hot girls dressed in skimpy outfits. How YOU doin? Heh. But that doesn’t mean I can’t laugh at a train wreck such as this.
Or even recoil at this.
I don’t even know what the hell this is. It’s set me back another grand in therapy bills. And by therapy I mean this:
Cos-Play (yes, I don't know how to spell but that's ok since it keeps it fresh) is cool since let’s admit it, most everyone likes to dress up for universally socially acceptable events such as:
Halloween
Costume party
Being the Pope
RenFaire
Breaking into peoples homes.
And various other activities.
But now thanks to Hollywood embracing nerd chic and comic book blockbusters, it is now cool to dress up like your favorite character. It’s even a sexual fetish and a large crowd draw at conventions. And yes the fact that the demographics between sexual fetishes and going to conventions correlate is not really highly surprising, yet extremely entertaining at the same time.
So with the help of the lovely and talented Cristina Vee, who’s logged in more hours of doing Cosplay then I’ve spent sleeping in class and at work. Cristina is also a voice actress and a singer and a fangirl so go hire her and tell her that I sent you. It won’t get you anything but it’ll get me a credit possibly and by credit I mean that I can hit her up in five years for money or food. Don’t believe Cristina is more kick ass at cosplay then….uh….a millipede who’s able to ride a motorcycle while…uh….baking a cake….well look at these pics then:
And she’s the nicest and coolest and most talent filled person you’ll ever meet. So if you value your dignity, (Yes I know if you’re doing cosplay and you’re not a chick dignity flies out the window) then listen up to Cristina Vee cause she's got more clout in cosplay then Michelle Obama
Cristina Rule #1
“Choose a cosplay that matches your skintone and body type”
My take:
Now I know you really love that character from your favorite comic or anime and you’ve been saving all year and picking out the fabric for the perfect look of that costume, but if you look like this:
Then you’re going to look like a jimmy cracked corn on your face.
Example:
Sailor Moon
On the left is an amazing Sailor Moon. On the left is just like watching your parents huff paint, which I think probably led to this decision.
And this…
..is just hawt!!!
Now Sailor Moon is one of those costumes you have to TRY to fuck up. I mean you’re a goddamn school girl. It takes some effort to fuck that up.
Random Hot Rikku!!
Again, I know that you have your favorite character no matter what body type and ethnicity you are, I do understand. But realism does have to fall into play. I mean hell I want to go on a date with Bar Rafeli but that sixteen state restraining order gets in the way and I just have to face reality.
This is Gambit:
This is the Blob masquerading as Gambit
Grant it that Gambit is one of those costumes that's hard to translate, you gotta be realistic. I know nerds are notorious for a lack of a fitness regime but look towards comic con like you look towards going to your high school reunion especially if is a highlight in your year. And comic con comes up more than high school reunion. The fact is you want to try to look good. Not like you’re putting on weight because you plan to feed off your fat while you hibernate during the winter. Take this guy for instance.
Inyuasha (Did I spell that right? Oh hell…)
Inyuasha is a half demon guy who protects humans by fighting other demons.
Jolting Jabba the Hutt!! Here, the only thing Inyuasha is fighting is diabetes….and losing terribly. That costume must’ve taken a small pit crew of people to get him dressed and going although I’d like to think it’s a pair of highly trained monkeys who have to coordinate with headsets to get that costume going. Also if he had to live on his own fat, he’d be alright for like a good four years before he had to worry. If a zombie apocalypse happened I mean I can use this guy like a Ton Ton on Hoth and survive inside him even with the undead chomping on the bit on the outside and still be safe for at least a couple of months.
And just to prove I’m not picking on fat people, here’s Green Lantern Hal Jordan
This is not Hal Jordan
“In Brightest Day, In Blackest Night, Good God he don’t look right.” Superheroes are muscular so at least get that straight. Without actual muscles, wearing tights just makes you look like a ballerina. I mean being buff and in tights don’t make you look awesome but a great deal more better and reduces your grammer like the way I talk in this sentence. Why did I do that? Oh yea...I'm wearing tights.
Superman
NOT Superman
Here’s a good use of body type
Plus it’s fucking original and no one else is going to do it save for the fact that no one likes the Kingpin.
Here's another good one.
But of course I could've gone without seeing it but it gives you some ideas.
Random hot Rikku!!!! It never gets old.
Supergirl
Supergirl….uhhh….
OK ok...so fat superheroes aren't exactly all the rage....
Other examples:
Shatner...likes...cosplay...as well...
Like the lady said, stick with skin tone and body type if you want to look good. Although chipper Cristina is nowhere near Asian, she can pull it off because of her body type and skin tone. On the flip side, enjoy Asian Elektra
Those are possibly the largest boobs I’ve ever seen on an Asian girl….(think think think)…actually I take that back
Another example:
Mai from Fatal Fury is asian
This girl is not
But it works as opposed to fat Asian Mai
Oh Mai!
Right ethnicity. Wrong body type
On a side note, in space, when you wear tights….everyone can see your junk.
The world does not need to know when you get a boner like you're back in high school…which is going to happen because there are girls dressed like this:
Which brings me to one of MY rules:
Hot women can never look bad…in…anything.
It’s true. Look above. Now look below. Look to the side.
Now look back to Cristina. These women can have less than stellar costumes and still look great. And the better the costume the better they look. I mean look at this one:
It doesn’t even make any sense. In fact it’s really cheap and lazy, like me! And yet she’s hot enough to pull it off. And now I have dirty thoughts about Pikachu. While this…
…makes me want to eviscerate kittens
Looks ridiculously hot and by that I mean ridiculous AND hot. The mask ain’t sexy but the rest of her is a plus. Then look at this.
I got no idea who she’s cosplaying and I don’t care.
Disney Princesses at Comic con? If they look like this…then why not? Hey Belle, I wanna open up your book and speak in tongues girl!!
And hey Ariel...strangely I can't think of a perverted fish joke right now
And of course, when it comes to mixing two things like sexiness and Disney characters, you're going to get the pervs that come out and not at night...
...which is their natural stomping grounds cause pervs are adversed to light. Come to think of it...that may explain Batman and that whole NAMBLA thing.
Oh no! It’s Pedobear! Look out!
Hmmm...Ariel seems unbothered by Pedobear....anyone got her number?
A hot girl in Cosplay can really make a difference. Just ask Stan Lee!
EXCELSIOR!!!
Cristina’s rule #2
“Hair and makeup are just as important as the costume itself, so really go the distance and purchase that perfect wig. Youtube has some great makeup tutorials.”
Yup yup! So…let’s take a look at good hair and bad hair
Good hair and make up
Bad Hair and no make up
Good hair and make up
Send in FEMA
Ok....it's not terrible but compared to earlier Sailor Moon this is like a watching Pulp Fiction...on public television.
Christina in a wig with good make up (and one shiny butt)
Actually…I don’t think you can fuck up Black Widow. The catsuit is just made for a certain size so sorry plus sized gals….this one might be hard to pull off cause I can’t find a not matching body type of Black Widow. Or even a bad one.
Here’s a goddamn ungodly good and expensive Vash the Stampede from Trigun
Here’s a goddamn ungodly unholy mess of Vash the Stampede from the depths of hell
Geez us. It looks like Ben Stiller from Something About Mary was his hair stylist. Also Vash has a robotic arm....
Good Ryu (and it’s a hat trick because he’s asian, matches body type and hair)
Bad Akuma...well more like sad Akuma. Someone get him a Zoloft before he gets to the roof. Plus he looks more like Lion-O's strangely quiet brother then Akuma. I expect him more to write sad emo poetry and cut himself rather then engage in a supernatural fireball fight
Yea…two different characters but you get the point.
It’s all about the little details here that make a great cosplay outfit. Which can garner you success like this:
.bmp)
The little details are so important in the cosplay. I can't stress it enough. See the grappling hook and color of the belt. All the pouches and all the other details that Martha Stewart likes to drool over. It's like she walked out of a comic book. Also you’ll notice that the chick who’s Pikachu is also….random hot Rikku!!
Her name is Jessica Nigri for those that are wondering and need more pics. Bwahhhhh
<3
Now lets look at Cristina. You can see the difference in her make up for Psylocke here in light colored make up and purple hair that Psylocke has
And her Black Widow with red lipstick and wig to accent her Black Widow-ness.
Mystique here also is accurate down to the hair and the eyes and the nipples that can cut diamonds and can distract you in combat while being big enough to be beaten by (which is the way I’d like to die)
Sora here has all the details down from the hair and the clothes and I think make up. I can’t tell.
Here's a great looking Jazmine (is it Z or S? Which one is sluttier? Z? I'll go with Z) from Aladdin. Note all the details in the wig (I think it's a wig. Either that or she's got some serious bed head) and the little details with the make up, accenting her eyes with eye shadow and all the other fun make up things girls wear. Then comes the details with the clothes. It's a perfect shade of baby blue and the tiara also matches and shines and her skin type is perfect in contrast to everything else. Probably photoshop but it still looks great
And here we have HOLY BEEJEEZUS BEJULIE BEJANGO!!!!!!!
Mighty mighty mighty gazonkin great job in the details here again as well. Note all the details in the skirt and clothes, which get the perfect shades of red and blue. Also the make up on Snow White really brings out the creamy tones of her skin, trying to match up to the movie as much as possible. And coupled with the fact that Snow White shops at Victoria Secrets (or Fredrick of Hollywood) make this another childhood memory that's now forever perverted...where's that tape of Snow White again...
Then you’ll notice what happens when you DON”T have all the details down.
As opposed to all the details in these
Notice Elektra's taken down every single detail including waxing her bikini zone. Also with Hawkgirl, that’s pretty bad ass with the wings although the mace the size of a basketball makes more sense than Montanna Fishburne wanting to do porn. We all know maces are supposed to be bigger than that.
Next up is Part 2: The Cute, The Bad and the Weird
But before that, check out Cristina Vee
www.cristinavee.com
facebook.com/cristinavee
*Thanks to Cristina for lending her name, pics and advice.
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