Technology and Fresh Air Don't Mix

AHHH!!! The wonders of technology!!! Guess where I am? Guess!!! GUESS!!! No not there. I’m outside. At Borders. Hell I can walk around the store with the laptop right now if it wasn’t for the fear of dropping the damn thing (cause that’s one of the two things not covered by warranty) and I can now be outside. Among the people….the beautifu….ok….well not really beautiful. In fact most of these guys are about as pretty as a hairless Chihuahuas butt and waaayyy too personal. Take this charming fellow across from me. OK. Alright looking but as lonely as a widower and talkative and he’s hitting on a old lady next to him. In five minutes I already know too much about his life and most of I don’t want to know or care about. But if he gets laid then it’s all good. Anyway, TECHNOLOGY!!

God it’s so bright here. And I can’t get up and wander around as freely. And I really got to pee…Damn this guy doesn’t stop talking. But technology. I came to this thought as I was here and had a problem connecting to the internet. So I call the helpline and talk to a lady with a Brooklyn accent who’s in New York. New Fucking York. And I’m in awe of the technology suddenly. Well not suddenly. I was in awe until the damn internet here would not connect and rejected me access like my ex g/f in high school. Damn this thing won't connect but without warning...it suddenly does. WTF!? I rebooted, erased and chanted to the access Gods and cursed them only for them to open up to me. Story of my life. So I'm an awe because I'm using a portable computer OUTSIDE, connected to the internet without wires and calling a lady on a cell phone who's on the other side of the country.

To be clear you’re talking to a guy who doesn’t take a lot of crap with him. One time I was asked if I had any piercings. Piercings?! I don’t even like wearing a watch half the time. But anyway, here I am. Finally connected to the internet with a laptop computer, on the internet, who called using a phone that fits in my pocket that can also connect to the internet (but in a crappy way. Browser sucks) If I told you this in a message from the future, you’d probably believe me. But it’s still quite awesome. No I’m not on crack. Yes I’ve had a lot of sugar. Yes I do get out. Well not as much as I’d like these days. Lack of money can do that to ya. And this guy STILL won't shut up. Now I know what kind of underwear he wore in Canada in 1973! MY THIRD EYE! WISHES! IT WAS BLLINNNDD!! But hell. I’m outside now and it’s….

Crap…won’t this guy shut up? EWWW!!! He’s talking about melanoma cancer on his spine he had that makes his skin boil or something. What is that smell? Oh GEEZUS! THIS MAN WILL NOT STOP TALKING!! I don't think he's even stopped to take a breathe. It's as if some superatural force now regrets creating this being of annoyance incarnate and has unleashed his unholyness on the world. He hasn't even asked this woman a single qustion. My own grandparetns don't even talk this much. But my own grandparents are either dead or too old to talk. Now I made myself sad...:( But at least I'm outside. Technology is special but annoying. Like women and children. Amazing creatures but man can they bug the fuck out of you until insanity like no other creature. Actually...I just realized...you know what? Fuck technology. I remmeber now that it just is stupid to go outside to spend the day inside doing something I normally do inside at home. Like all those ass hats who love to play with their Blackberrys everywhere they go. I have an even better idea. I'd be better off at a strip club where it would be quieter and far less annoying. Plus I can get a lapdance while on my laptop which would be a lap win for my lap!!! Man I have to pee. Maybe I can take this thing into the bathroom and watch porn while I do number one. But first I gotta take care of this guy who won’t shut up….