Hi Kids! Dark Reigns done! Hooray for the Heroic AGE! But what the fuck is the Heroic Age? DC has Brighest Day and that’s like an ongoing story tied into multiples titles. Heroic Age is well…just a banner. Dark Reign was attached to everything but at least it effected everything in the Marvel universe. And with so many ongoing, earth shattering events in Marvel which don’t connect to each other (Doom War, 3 Avengers titles, X-Men Vs. Vampires, etc), it’s a giant clusterfuck of things going on as if an 10 year old ADHD kid was doing the storylines. However one promising story seems to be unfolding, Shadowland. It’s a gritty drama involving all the street level guys in the Marvel U. And YES, it does involve Spider-Man and Wolverine. I’m not opposed to the Spider-Man because he’s from the STREETS!! Wolvie is well…I don’t know, they just toss him in for good measure everywhere. Again, 10 year old logic.
Kid: “You know what this story needs?! It’s awesomeness is better with Wolverine in it!!”
Adult Editor: “Don’t we have Wolverine in like 6 others series plus his own?”
Kid: “WOLVERINE!!”
I’m really surprised Deadpool doesn’t pop up in this one. But with my luck they’ll toss him in after reading this blog. Again I don’t hate Deadpool, I just hate crappy writing and tossing in characters for the sake of getting attention.
But Shadowland looks really promising. Story?
Daredevil takes over the ninja assassin cult called the Hand, who’s been trying to kill him and do evil deeds for years. However he takes over and now uses the Hand to do good by protecting Hell’s Kitchen lethally and building a giant Japanese style tower. On top of that Matty’s gone over the deep end, again, but this time much darker, hence the black new duds. Original Matt…and you say you’re not a ninja you sly dog you. Guess when in Rome…
So the promos feature every major street level guy but also Ghost Rider, who back in the 90’s was street level and is now supernatural level and the tag line: Birth of the Greatest Villain with Daredevil stabbing and killing Bullseye with a sai much in the same way Elektra was stabbed by Bullseye all those years ago. Plus Bullseye’s gone back to his OG costume (finally). Further teasers for Shadowland feature some iconic moments from Daredevils past with Elektra hugging a tombstone and Wolverine holding up a torn Daredevil mask. It also sports some spiffy dramatic moments with Luke and Iron Fist going up against Elektra and the Punisher shooting Spider-Man? WTF?
How the fuck are they bringing back the Punisher? Is it a new guy? I mean they went from this…
To this…
How the fuck do you correct this? How do you fix that? I’d really want to read it just for that? Man, all I can tell you is that the explanation is going to suck.
And the big poster teaser image makes no sense at all. How the fuck is Ghost Rider killed by arrows? He’s a demon biker with a flaming skeleton for a body!!!!! Are they magic ghost arrows? Who is that chick in white? The new white tiger? Silver Sable? Is that even a chick? What the fuck happened to Silver Sable? How is the fucking Punisher back to life? This is like watching a monkey swallowing a hand grenade.
Then there’s Elektra whose boob isn’t popping out of that outfit. With her chest size you think that she’d be less athletic but no. Busty and agile go together like Jack Daniels and Orange Soda. And apparently Spider-Man in his last moments of life, is trying to strangle the last life out of an injured Iron Fist in an attempt to sacrifice him to God so that he’ll take Iron Fist instead of him. That and like how the black folks are smart enough to play dead and take a nap while all the white folks get slaughtered. Like Cedric the Entertainer advised: “Do what we do!” White people getting killed? Fuck this. Going to bed now.
And thank god someone finally killed Moon Knights ass for wearing all fucking white in the middle of the night while trying to stalk people. Bad enough wearing white after labor day but crappy ersatz Batman has survived for too long. He’s as ridiculous and as subtle as this motorcycle….
Plus I love the mildly annoyed look on Wolverine’s face. Like should he really be surprised for wearing his costume in the night and astounded that he was hit? Damn you you banana bastard. Get some clothes. Only people you strike fear into are people trying to beat the red light. Its like being surprised that inventing a drug that will make you sleepy and forgetful and unable to feel or recall anything that happened to you is used to rape people.
It’s fucking called Shadowland!!!! Shadow is in the title!!! Think you should be more inclined to wear darker colors? Especially against ninjas? I’m not familiar with ninjas so I did some research. Hope this helps guys!!!
And with that done, I’m looking forward to Shadowland because depending how they bring back the Punisher, it’ll be a GLORIOUS Clusterfuck or a mild success. I have no high hopes here. I mean they have more guys then you can shake a stick at here. Always good to throw in extra people...even if they don't match. Like a buddy comedy
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